Tag Archives: Who am I

If one has to laugh at another’s human expression

If one has to laugh at another’s human expression,

Let it be
How they roll their eyes
How they speak their heart
How they sway their body
How they show their hair
How they wear their clothing

The one who laughs,
is still too busy judging another
is still too busy looking out
is still not much looking in
is still finding themselves

Lost in another’s world,
To be able to find their own,

Human Experience
and
Human Expression!

Here I am again to Thank You…

I was hit hard with Love. Love brought me to Basel, Switzerland. I was living in a beautiful crazy lovestruck imagination.

When I saw the Etihad Airlines, waiting for me to board at Melbourne, Australia airport, I cried so much. I was afraid. I knew what ever the reality was, I would be confronted by it. My poor mother who was also waiting for her flight, which was at the next gate, couldn’t take her eyes off me, her eyes filled with worry, and kept on telling me:

Be strong, I will pray for you. Don’t think of the past, and enjoy your holiday and see the country.

I didn’t even feel the 14 hour flight as half of it, I cried.

It took me so much of tears and courage to spend each initial days in Basel. I knew I’m in the West and these are the lands of Christ. I knew I had to pay respect to him.

Jesus Christ was the Buddha in the West
Thich Nhat Hanh (During an Interview with Oprah Winfrey)

I always believed this. But most Buddhists don’t see it this way, so I was blessed to hear Thich Nhat Hanh’s words.

I came to pray here as although I was smiling and touring around Basel, Switzerland, I was hurting inside.

That was the day I had to stop my prayers half way through and write this article:

https://nimeshe.blog/2019/08/19/what-more-do-we-want-from-you/

Since that day, miraculously my prayers were answered. I accomplished the first thing I came here for. To reconnect with the reality.

And I met some beautiful people in Basel. Some touched my heart so powerfully.

I will be leaving Basel, Switzerland tomorrow knowing I can easily live here. Yes, the country is a little backwards for my expectations, but behind that backwardness, the people are authentically beautiful.

I carry home some great memories of Basel, Switzerland. I carry home no regrets or no longing to be loved. I finally feel free.

So thank you, what ever the energy that is captured here. Thank you for looking after me for the last week and a half. Thank you to all love shown to me by all the people I met, including random strangers. Thank you all beautiful people I met. Thank you Basel, Switzerland.

Most importantly:

Thank you Dear Lord.

And last, but not the least:

Thank you Jesus for the love you showed, for being a human sacrifice. Thank you for tolerating all the pain given to you, but still giving us the message of Love.

I’m sorry that the world is not quite there. But, I will keep believing we are getting somewhere. I will do what ever little I can in the name of your love

– Nim –

Notes written during my stay in Ward GE – Psychiatric Ward

This morning, during my normal “reading of the day”, I saw one of my old note books. The page I turned to was some notes I had written during the 3 days I was an involuntarily admitted inpatient in Ward GE, Psychiatric Ward in Nambour General Hospital, Nambour, Sunshine Coast, Australia.

While in Nambour Hospital – 25/06/2015

Every challenge I’ve faced until now have taught me heaps.

I have realised;

  • There are no rules, but choices
  • Choices have consequences
  • If you stay living your true nature and purpose, everything will fall into place.
  • Some of the situations may not appear “right” from the outside, but continue to love and act on true nature and purpose.

Life is like playing “Uno”

  • You start with a set number of cards
  • You try to reduce cards
  • During the process you end up having more cards than you started with.
  • Even when you have one more card left, that is no guarantee that it’s done.
  • Lesson:
  • Do not rush to finish the cards
  • You know you’ve “started” the game, which means it will end.
  • Keep “Goal” in mind but do the next step conciously.

Vipassana – Insight into your life through your mind and body experiences.

Satisfied

Happy content. Sad

1. 0. -1

Neither happy nor sad

Dhamma – The law of nature

The teachings are more important than the teacher.

Each has to have their own journey.

Butterfly cannot be pulled out of the cacoon.

One needs to give it time.

We are prisnors of our beliefs.

If we believe that we are dead, we are as good as dead whether we are physically dead or not.

What have I learnt?

01. Children have no language. They only have emotions linked to sensations given via 5 sensory organs.

02. “Mental Health”; Normal vs Not Normal. There is a huge misunderstanding.

03. Dhamma can be applied for both “gihi” (householder) or “පැවිදි” (homeless).

An appreciation of the song “It Goes On” by Grim Richard

Contents

Introdction
So who is Walking the Song?
Let the Appreciation Begin!
—- Lyrics and Links
—- Analysis of Emotions Captured and Other Highlights
—- Translate to Liebe’s Story

Introduction

This is the first time in a long time I am doing a literature review. In fact, the last time was back in 1994-1996 period (age 14-16), where I studied English Literature as a subject for my General Certificate Examination (Ordinary Level) in Sri Lanka.

This definitely is the first time, I know the author, Adam (Grim Richard / Adam James Richardson), personally. This dynamic brings along the myth within my beliefs that I actually know the author, just because I’ve had an external glimpse of a few of his teen years.

So I must be careful, not to let my prior knowledge that is merely my perception, get in the way. However, I am aware, that even if I objectively review this piece of writing, which has been delivered to general public as a song, it will only be a reflection of my own experience of life. But, with the Artist’s permission, who I consider like a Son, despite our age gap, I will give an attempt.

It’s a day for first timers! I can sense it in the air that I breath.

Maybe my review will be in the form of a story. I’ll first write a quick analysis of the song, dig out the encapsulated emotions, and any key take aways, and wrap a story around it.

So Who is Walking the Song?

Ok! How do we do this?

I need a name for the character spoken about within the song. The lyrics doesn’t speak of gender or sexualiy of the Observer captured within. And I do not want to assume the song captures solely the author’s thought processes, as this song may have been influenced by others.

So let’s name them “Liebe”, meaning “Love” in German. This is the same name I gave the stray Cat I tried to adopt sometime ago. The reason was my knowing that the Cat was a lesson of Love for myself and anyone who is impacted or influenced by myself. An artist always expresses with unconditional Love. Fame, Money, and Other Agendas never interfere an Artist at the time of expression. So, Liebe it is! (Bedingungslose).

So, Liebe the Cat, this is your story.

Let the Appreciation Begin!

NOTE: I hope the Author Appreciates the Appreciation 🤗

Lyrics and Links

I will never see the insides of the houses on this street
Or see the way the dust dances through the morning sun
Before the heat

Never feel the warm embrace of the living room
His loving touch or her sweet perfume
But I’m okay with that

Never feel alone on the kitchen floor
with wine stained teeth surrounded by all of this space

And I’ve never felt so terrified of this

Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head
I’m far too scared of this to speak to my friends
Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head
Do you still think of us as friends

I will never see the insides of your eyelids from your eyes
Or see the pictures that you paint behind them while you’re asleep

Is your mind a beautiful silver screen
With images of you and me
Oh, I’d be okay with that
And do you hear the beautiful melodies
You sing for me whenever we speak
I’ve never been so terrified of you

Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head
I’m far too scared of this to speak to my friends
Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head
Do you still think of us as friends
Cause it goes on and on and on in my head
And it goes on and on and on in my head

And it goes on and on and on in my head that I’ve got you to thank even if nothing else works out

Song Links:
https://youtu.be/8pKfTOzKcWI

https://play.google.com/music/m/Atodl5dwf3fzdgjuq5cxkeitjvm?t=Grim_Richard

Analysis of Emotions Captured and Other Highlights

The Author appears to be curious. Curious about his surroundings, Curious about his loved ones, Curious about himself… He also questions his importance and acceptance by society or loved ones.

He shows that he struggles to connect, and understand all things he is curious about. He shows his inability to fully comprehend another(s) and their ways of life in a social aspect, but also appears to be shoked about the vastness of “Life” in relation to his physical existence.

The author uses the word “House” as well as points to “Mind” to indicate this disconnect.

The author describes his love, that collides with confusion, and a form of guilt that appears to stem from his own actions or reactions that were caused by these confusing moments.

The author describes, about one’s dreams and unspoken words he is curious about, and fails to fathom.

Overall, I feel that the author is uncertain about the future, despite promises, and promising changes, he doubts the path or what the future holds. A good quality to have, but needs careful self observation and analysis. He doesn’t appear to be fully confident in the support he receives from the “People in control” or “God’s in control”. He appears to be overwhelmed by the uncertainty of life, which is the same aspect he thrives on and admires as an artist. But, when the uncertainty and dependability of people, let it be family, friends, colleagues, government, religion, or something bigger, is in question, it can be confusing and tiring, but may also be a blessing.

My Conclusion / Summary:

Life’s exact path for each individual is unique. Most of us, most of our lives live in our future, not in a vision, goal, or dream, but in doubt and worry. Nothing wrong with that, but we can be happier if we learnt to manage that.

If we are forming a choir within a group of friends, our individual voice, range, and abilities gives us the opportunity to make angelic music. If one forget the lyrics or some part, the others can fill the gaps and keep singing.

We all are uniquely filling gaps made by others. That is our purpose, to add what is missing that can compliment to the greater good.

Where did we come from or where do we go will not matter if we are happy with how we stay!

Liebe’s Story

Liebe, and the other homeless Cats are just waking up.

Is Mohammed Going to feed me today?

a routine and momentary thought. Liebe, is always hungry!

While aimlessly wondering around, it suddenly dawned on Liebe…

Why is it only Mohammed,Well, him and his Mum seems reliable!

Then that other crazy dude who talks to all of us! Very friendly, but he doesn’t know that we can hear his thoughts as well.

“Oh Hiiiiii” he says to Mr.Grumpy

“Fuck! He looks scary” he thinks while getting into the car.

I am keeping my distance, as I really don’t know what is with him

He walked a bit more, and his entire world stopped again! Liebe started to feel sad, the usual story, the usual feeling, the usual questions….

I wish I had an owner! Someone who considers me to be part of their home. I don’t even know what these houses look from the inside. But they sure do look warm and comfortable.

Liebe then looked at the two other Cats.

I wonder whether they feel the same as me?

Mr. Grumpy, always says

“I love this homeless life”,

but why is he Grumpy then? Who knows what is in his head? Who knows what is in anyone’s head for that matter?

Quoting the Song:

I will never see the insides of the houses on this street

Or see the way the dust dances through the morning sun

Before the heat

Never feel the warm embrace of the living room

His loving touch or her sweet perfume

But I’m okay with that

One early morning, while the Sun was still sleeping, Liebe noticed that the Crazy dude’s door was open and the light on. Liebe went closer.

Oh! He is Rocking up like us! Not covering up the Body! (Naked!)

He is definitely in another world! Must have taken something. Look at the fucking mess!

He is looking at the TV!

LOL! A couple of humans are having some fun. Crazo seems to be excited by it!

Cute!

Liebe invited himself in, the crazy dude looked at him and said

Hi… Did you want to see what’s in here…It’s only me! Have a look around if you want

Liebe couldn’t believe it. It literally walked into every room, every corner. Liebe hung for a while. He also let Liebe eat what ever the food that was around him. But, It was dark, messy, and lonely in there! After a while Liebe couldn’t breath, it walked out for some fresh air. The crazy dude closed the door behind Liebe.

Oh well! At least I had a glimpse…

Liebe was now unsure of these houses. What he just saw shocked him. But he wondered what it must feel like to be the crazy dude!

Quoting the Song:

Never feel alone on the kitchen floor

with wine stained teeth surrounded by all of this space

And I’ve never felt so terrified of this

Liebe’s wish was granted! Who ever is in charge of this planet Earth made the Crazy dude open the door more often for Liebe.

Liebe got to know Crazo (Liebe’s name for the Crazy Dude) pretty well.
Liebe was surprised how he let Liebe come in, and check out. Liebe was still unsure, so after a while it went back to it’s home, the outside world.

But the turning point was when Crazo got a little ill, it was the Easter weekend. He was in pain, he let Liebe jump in bed with him.

He is really unwell! I hope he is ok

Liebe thought, and spent the whole night comforting him.

Since that day Liebe couldn’t stop thinking about what it thought about these houses from outside, then what it saw on the inside.

Liebe also couldn’t stop thinking about Crazo, what he appeared to be from outside, and what it was on the inside.

The Crazo bothered him the most. Liebe believed that he couldn’t discuss this with Mr. Grumpy, or any other cat. They were all very different.

Liebe, since then tried to be happy in his home. But, he loves the occasional cuddle from Crazo.

Liebe learns to let the future unravel the unknown, and lived his life, with Love.

Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head

I’m far too scared of this to speak to my friends

Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head

Do you still think of us as friends

I will never see the insides of your eyelids from your eyes

Or see the pictures that you paint behind them while you’re asleep

Is your mind a beautiful silver screen

With images of you and me

Oh, I’d be okay with that

And do you hear the beautiful melodies

You sing for me whenever we speak

I’ve never been so terrified of you

Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head

I’m far too scared of this to speak to my friends

Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head

Do you still think of us as friends

Cause it goes on and on and on in my head

And it goes on and on and on in my head

And it goes on and on and on in my head that I’ve got you to thank even if nothing else works out

– The End –

Understanding is a relative thing….

Things that I realised,
Uttered and Wrote Confidently …

How much I had to learn,
From that point of Initial Realisation!

Things that I am aware now,
Had one tried to explain to me a decade ago…

How I would NOT have understood that message?

With that lesson in mind,
I forgive others for not understanding me!
I forgive myself for not understanding others!

– Nim –

The Painting

A Canvas

A sight or an imagination
Many colours and brush strokes
An identity and a story to tell

Am I that identity?
Am I that story?

Rewind

A different sight or an imagination
Different colours and brush strokes..
Another identity and another story..

Just a Canvas…

– Nim –

P.S: A poem I wrote while enjoying the Woodford Folk Festival, Queensland, Australia in December, 2016.