Tag Archives: Mind

Holy Spirit is Everywhere

Holy Spirit is Everywhere

Some believe this to be true,
But only to belong Somewhere

Some seek it to make a Better Self,
But only to show Self to Another

Some seek it to make a Better Self, And they seek Everyday
And they seek for Everyone

Some see it…
Some feel it…
Some label it..
Some dance in it…

And Some, just smile and thank it…

– Nim –

Open Minded Party Scene and Me

My last destination for my Europian Holiday was Berlin, Germany. While Switzerland had it’s own intention, Berlin for me was to experience the so called “Open Minded Party Scene”. Of course the primary intention that supercedes all other intentions is:

I choose to continue to Learn and Grow, while sharing what I learn with others through the means I know.

So here I am sharing some of my experiences and my perception of those experiences.

The Grand Arrival in Berlin

I was so happy.

I am in Berlin!!! It was in my mind to do for a long time. Here I am!!

I was smiling to myself and very happy. Also to be in the land Ekhart Tolle, my best guru in this life form, comes from is Germany. So I was super excited.

It was getting close to 3pm though, and doing any tours after 8+ hours on trains were off the cards.

Lets just let your hair down, and party, you wanted to experience it. C’mon, history and stuff can wait.

My inner voice was saying.

The Night Unfolds

So I decided to take a break. 20 days I was relatively a good boy, and I had written so much, I felt like a break.

So I try to locate the near by venues that are “My Kind of Venue”.

First Bar I went to was around the corner from my hotel. Had the rainbow flag flying high. It screamed of acceptance.

Staff was friendly, but not many felt friendly. I tried to talk to the guy next to me, and he said he doesn’t speak English.

And there was this vibe, an undercurrent. Everyone was looking at each other, and looking at me and smiling. I didn’t know how to read it. But I didn’t feel comfortable. So had my drink relatively quickly and left.

Of course across the road was another venue, which was closer to what I waned to experience.

Staff was friendly, venue was very small, but cool. I managed to talk to people and have some “fun”. Again little while later, I was at the bar, kinda in my world. Once again, same feeling. I felt the same people who spoke to me, were now clicky. Maybe it was language difficulties. But, it didn’t feel right.

I started talking to people on my infamous apps. And ended up going out to meet someone who is visiting from Spain.

He was extremely nice, hospitable, friendly… But we didn’t really click, and he was very polite about it.

Then I decided to go to this venue that was recommended by an Australian friend, who knew what I was looking for.

I got to the venue in an Uber. Once I got off, it was really difficult to find the place. None of the raving reviews helped.

Fortunately there was another who was looking for the same place, in this dark corner of the world. So, I didn’t feel alone. But now we were lost together. Then another confident soul appeared. He knew the place and asked us to follow. Wonderful guy from New York who has been living here for a while. He helped me with all my requirements and told me where to go, how to enter, and the entire process.

A while later an intoxicated self was surrounded by about 500 other intoxicated hormone driven self’s. This self felt excited, but scared. The low self worth was screaming in one ear, while the excitement and desire screaming in the other. An ego battle started in my head.

At one point I recall being overwhelmed and overpoured with desire and physical bliss. But, at the same time I have now gone into a zone where I wasn’t too aware or concious. What ever I get upto, what ever I do, that is when I do not like it. Even if I am enjoying, I want to enjoy it fully. I couldn’t pay attention. I was distracted. And I was definitely far from present.

I don’t know what I looked like from the outside. But from that point onwards, all I observed was rejection and thoughts and experiences that re-validated low self worth through calling myself undesirable.

Of course there were few people who showed me love and concern:

Are you ok? Would you like some water? You look dehydrated.

But, I didn’t want that did I?

I clearly wanted to re-enforce my beliefs maybe, I kept attracting these other experiences. And that clickyness and smiles were louder and in my face.

I felt like shit. It reminded me of such a party that I went to in Melbourne back in 2013. Part of me was blaming myself for getting myself into this.

Staff was friendly throughout my time there. I left when the party was done.

But, I didn’t give up, I walked 1.5hours back to the hotel, and dropped in to the second venue. I met some good people there. But I was over a lot of it.

I was thinking about my former lover who recommended me of such a venue in Zürich, and clearly he felt good there. He doesn’t love me anymore and he chose his life to be that. And half of me continued to make stories, and other half was like

Shut up Nim!

I was outside in the bar alone with the bartender, one of the people I met inside came out and asked.

Are you ok? Come inside and join us. Everyone is resting and chatting.

He gave me a long hug, and I returned an even longer one.

I don’t mind feeling lonely at home when I’m alone. Or even when I am close to home. I hate it when I feel lonely when I’m surrounded by people. I couldn’t wait for my flight back home.

This was the first time I felt it during my holidays. But this was also the first time I put myself out there in this kind of setup.

I walked back to my hotel questioning my life, my worth, my desirability, my former lover, and my everything.

I slept the entire day Friday.

The first full day in Berlin, I slept.

So this is what I had planned for the last 4 days to recover from potential loss. The loss had happened, I had somewhat recovered, but I put myself down again.

What was I thinking?

Mum called in the evening, as she hadn’t heard from me. I told her the story.

Maybe I should have listened to her. All she asked me was:

Don’t do anything crazy when you are in those countries. Do what ever you like when you are home, in Australia.

I said to her that I can’t promise that in Berlin.

I guess I learnt again.

Expectations are weird.

Most times you don’t meet them. Sometimes God gives you more, sometimes less.

Either way, it is with good intentions, I like to believe.

Had I liked it, I would have spent my entire time in Berlin partying. But now, I didn’t want to put myself in that situation again. Not here. When I’m home, I can manage. Not when I’m so far away, and not knowing anyone.

All in all, it worked out well. My Saturday was great. Await my next blog.

– Nim –

The Pain that took my Breath Away

While holidaying in Switzerland, and a day in France, I went to a fair few museums, churches, and old buildings, where I got to see a lot of arts and crafts. Every painting was unique.

But one specific painting took my breath away, as it captured so much emotion.

I saw it, then I walked past, then I went back to see it again, and again, and again… It was stunning and captured so much emotion.

This painting, Cyparissus is by an artist named Jacopo Vignali, who coincidentally was born on a day like today, 5th September 1592.

427 years or 155,948 days later, here I am sitting on a train headed from Frankfurt to Berlin in Germany, finally writing what I felt when I saw his expression.

Can’t take my eyes off yours

His eyes speak a million emotions. I felt as if I got sucked into a void, only to be further pulled into a world that existed, but continues to exist in his mind where his memories of him and his best friend’s adventures are still alive. Behind these eyes, a movie being played, a movie that he never will get to see again.

He is captured with intense sadness, but the eyes also show shock, helplessness, and cessation.

Behind the teary eyes, the little boy looks deep into the meaning of life.

The Birth of Pain when it’s “Mine”

According to Wikipedia, Cyparissus was a boy beloved by Apollo, or in some versions by other deities. In the best-known version of the story, the favorite companion of Cyparissus was a tamed stag, which he accidentally killed with his hunting javelin as it lay sleeping in the woods.

If it was any other Stag, I would be happy.


when it became my Stag…

But, why my Stag…

Any Stag, but my Stag…

Lord, please bring him to life…

Lord, I can’t live without him…

I will die….


These would have been the sad yet enlightening truths Cyparissus would have been contemplating while hugging onto the now cold body of his best friend, and praying to the God he believes in.

Nothing new under the Sun

Apollo, who was considered the national divinity of the Greeks, Apollo has been recognized as a god of archery, music and dance, truth and prophecy, healing and diseases, the Sun and light, poetry, and more.

It is said Cyparissus was Appolo’s most favoured. This would have been for his heart, and playfulness. When his heart was broken, Apollo would have been sad. But, he would have known that this is where Cyparissus will be born again, to rise up to him.

– Nim –

A Digital Human Expression – Appreciation of Digital Art of Vera Molna

While holidaying in Switzerland, I decided to step into the Museum of Digital Art, Zürich. For my luck, they were exhibiting Vera Molnar’s creations.

Once again, I didn’t know who Vera Molnar was until yesterday, Tuesday, the 3rd September 2019. The gorgeous girl who gave me a guided tour made a fake annoyed face when I said this to her.

Vera Molnár (born 1924) is a French media artist of Hungarian origin. She is considered a pioneer of computer art.


What inspired me apart from her Art

Vera Molnar is said to be 95 years old now, and she had started digital art about 60 years ago, with a device similar to below, with just basic electronic signals being sent to the device.

Of course this picture is a modern looking device, and probably not what she used, but hope you get the message

This was even before computers 💁‍♂️

Isn’t she awesome!!

And I was impressed by her lover’s interest in her art, where he spent time trying to understand what catches her eye, what inspired her, and what she considered beautiful.

Last but not least, I was told she got into art upon a heartbreaking break-up with a former lover.

I can so relate to this!!! 🤦‍♂️

How I saw her through her art

I was told that Vera Molnar loved to start off simple, but then to disturb the simplicity or break the rules. What I observed is, when the series of disturbances are exhibited together they tell us a beautiful story about the human mind.

Let me dive into the below series of her art.

Top left hand side corner is the piece of art she started off with.

This piece of art resembles the human mind and belief systems of a new born baby. Very structured and simple. Very simple needs and beliefs. I feel it has more feeling than emotions.

Then she gradually “disturbed” with slight disturbances.

This to me feels like the human mind adding various beliefs to itself, one at a time. Slowly loosing our original authentic self. But still resembles the “Child-like nature”

At some point the disturbances made the original form completely dissapear.

This to me says a story about how our beliefs change into a disturbed confusing mess! We can’t see any patterns. Of course the journey was beautiful, but the end product is not so pretty. It almost resembles a depressed state. Clouded!

Then she removes layer by layer of inc.

This to me resembles when One becomes aware of their mind. How one now attempts to be responsible, and look into all beliefs one at a time, and removing unnecessary, unhelpful mind patterns

Final product is quite different to the one she began with. Not so structured, but more Beautiful.

For me this resembles clarity, and authenticity. One can not erase their memories, and the past. But they learn from it. They grow. They become at peace with who they’ve become and they thank their journey.

The exact point when the disturbances go out of control

My lovely guide and I was having a lovely conversation about the below piece of work.

She mentioned:

I never can see the exact point when it starts to get messy.

I of course had to bring it back to the human beliefs. I believe this happens when a child goes through huge hormonal shifts.

Their Body says one thing.

Their Beliefs have no information about what the body says.

Their Parents say another thing.

Their teachers say yet another thing.

Their Friends say many other things.

Their society, social networks say a lot more!

I feel like the child is confusingly layering various contradicting thoughts, beliefs, and mind patterns here. And that unmanaged disturbed collection of mind patterns is what we call Adults. And they rule the world!

Lovely! 🤦‍♂️

It doesn’t mean all adults are like this. But it would be best if adults become somewhat self aware and somewhat emotionally intelligent before they became parents, teachers, or leaders.

My Thanks

Dear Vera Molnar,

It was an absolute blessing to see you through your art. We may never meet, but I feel like we already have.

I loved the below pieces of art as they capture the first letter of the first name of my mother and myself.

Thank you so much for your hard work and expressions.

Love you,

– Nim –

A Bartender, Has to be Tender – A Thank You Note


Below is a little thank you note I wrote after going to Barometer Bar in Zürich, Switzerland. I went there on a quiet Sunday night and had close interactions with Bartender Toby, and a two fellow customers sitting either side of me (Stefan and Stefan).Then I also met some others and spoke with them, but by that stage Alcohol was making me forget a lot more than usual 🤦‍♂️

Thank You Note

A Bartender
Has to be Truly Tender
Not just around a Bar
Where Humans Change
From Sober to Drunk
But Around Humans!
In General!

Thank you Toby!

For Making me Feel like I’m Something..
For Knowing me enough to surprise me a lot…
For Allowing me to be me
For Letting me know it’s home time, the way you knew how to

I just hope I didn’t make you tired!
Tired to be Entertaining ME!

Thank you Stefan!

For getting to know me,
and taking me to safety,
and texting me to meet me..


Is how you make One Feel!

Make one feel Special…
Make one feel They Belong!
Make one feel They are Not Alone!

What Happened Next

I got too drunk!
I got too emotional!
I got too tired!
I got too late to come home!
I got too late to wake up!

I missed the fucking train to Milano, Italy!! 💁‍♂️

So here I am in my hotel in Zürich, when I should have been in Italy 4 hours ago, writing this blog post 🙆‍♂️

Photo Blog – Barometer Bar

Nim –

#barometer #tobythebartender #bar #zürich #switzerland

Some beautiful strangers in Switzerland

Today is probably the most educational and energizing day I experienced during my holiday in Switzerland.

I attended yet another event in Basel, Switzerland. It was organised by a group who is enthusiastic about Personality Typing Models, with a special focus on MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator), on Meetup calling themselves MBTI Basel.

The group was extremely warm and welcoming. We discussed many topics from Religion, Death, Life Experiences, and of course MBTI model.

Being a complete novice to the model, I was blessed to get detailed insight into my own personality indicator, being ENFP. Zara (Ruffy), together with Kirsten, Virginia, and Sel, explained to me my 4 core functions, how they drive and also can get in the way of my human expression.

I also got the opportunity to ask questions and re-explain what I understood, with insightful discussions into how it correlates into other personalality types. Since there was another new comer, Edyta, I also was blessed to get to know another personality type.

Ruffy, who was leading most of the discussions, apart from his beautiful tattoos which he was quite comfortable to show-off when inquired, also had a beautiful way of taking a novice like me to a deeper end in MBTI. The icing on the cake for me was later, after our event, when he together with Edyta gave me the opportunity to have a swim or a float in the current of the deep Rhine River.

Kirsten, who I connected quite a bit with, had some great insights about any given topic. We discussed some controversial topics. She was a ball of energy. It was an absolute blessing to meet her.

Virginia who was mostly silent, was always holding a cheeky grin, which was complimented by Sel’s cheeky remarks. The group of friends were quite comfortable to tease each other about their strengths and weaknesses. Their self aware nature always took these remarks on a positive and light-hearted way. I finally managed to have a deeper conversation with Virginia when she walked me half way back to my hotel.

Marc, fascinated me with his authentic unfiltered self, and his enthusiasm about everything that was discussed. He was also quite observant and was forever giving others compliments. I saw a very open minded growth personality in him which I usually adore.

Edyta, who was also a novice to MBTI, very quickly jumped into the world of MBTI. She wasn’t afraid to indicate when it was information overload, and I found it quite funny when she had to order a coffee to process the information. She complimented all of the discussions. And of course she jumped into the Rhine with me and Zara, and also jumped into some deep and meaningful discussions about our respective homelands and life experiences.

All in all, I feel truly blessed to have met these beautiful souls on the other side of the world.

This group uplifted my experience of Switzerland. Thank you everyone for an amazing day. We spent 6 hours together and I honestly could spend more time with a group like you. You made me fall in Love with Basel, Switzerland all over again! And I will take these beautiful memories back to Melbourne, Australia to cherish for years to come.

Thank you for contributing powerfully and positively towards my holiday in Switzerland. I truly hope our paths cross again. Until then, I wish you well for your future.


– Nim –

Looking into the eyes of Louise Joséphine Bourgeois

I didn’t know her until I saw her today at a local Museum in Basel, Switzerland. Of course, I wasn’t fortunate enough to meet her or know her while she was alive. But, we all know value of people exponentially increase upon their death, so I clearly met her when she is most valued, hence her work is in a Museum and we must pay to see them.

Louise Joséphine Bourgeois; 25 December 1911 – 31 May 2010 was a French-American artist. Although she is best known for her large-scale sculpture and installation art, Bourgeois was also a prolific painter and printmaker.


If anyone follows me on Social media, they would know that I’m on holidays in Switzerland these days. My holidays, not dissimilar to my life is a spontaneous series of affairs. I rocked up in Switzerland not knowing what I would get upto.

So it’s quite normal for me to wake up and start walking aimlessly! This is when I stumbled upon Fondation Beyeler Museum in Basel, Switzerland.

The place was stunning and immediately grounded me. But what caught my attention was this sign that said;

Most of her art was geometrical patterns. Her art screamed of childlike innocence, that overflew with wisdom of an old soul. The paper used for her drawing was mostly music sheets.

It took me a while to absorb myself in her work. Then I noticed a picture of herself, which for whatever the reason made my heart skip a beat.

Then I stopped to read about her. There was quite some information about her experiences of insomnia.

The funny thing is, 2500 years ago, there was a man named Gauthama Siddhartha, the Buddha. He is said to have only slept 2 hours a day, where the rest of the time was dedicated for his work. Of course, in this day and age, it would have been labelled insomnia, and who knows he would have had to take psychiatric treatment if the man was alive today.

This made me wonder,

Did people see Louise’s work as valuable art during her able times, or did we only start appreciating her work, her life, and her efforts, once she became a fragile and old or even a dead human being?

This beautiful human being who appears to have never given up expressing herself in various forms of art, also happens to have the same birthday as Christmas day. Of course the date 25th December has many arguments about it, but if we purely focus on collective concious energy of human beings, 25th December must be a day people are collectively happy, and try to remember family and friends. And Louise was born on that blessed day.

I didn’t know any of this when I looked into her eyes today at the Museum. But she touched my heart, and I had to read about her. And what I found out about her made me love her more.

In 2010, in the last year of her life, Bourgeois used her art to speak up for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) equality. She created the piece I Do, depicting two flowers growing from one stem, to benefit the nonprofit organization Freedom to Marry. Bourgeois has said “Everyone should have the right to marry. To make a commitment to love someone forever is a beautiful thing.” Bourgeois had a history of activism on behalf of LGBT equality, having created artwork for the AIDS activist organization ACT UP in 1993.

– Wikipedia

She must have been a beautiful human being. I hope the world looked after her while she was alive. What’s the point of us paying 20+ Swiss Francs to see her work after she is dead and gone.

I hope we allowed her nocturnal nature to be. I hope we didn’t give her too much grief about her lifestyle and mind/body clocks.

I guess that is all I can do,

Just hope!

When she has entered the timeless realm, her nocturnal life has become priceless pieces of art to be appreciated in daytime by art critiques. 💁‍♂️

– Nim –