Tag Archives: Judgement Day

Thank you for the Nerds!

What do I see when I scroll through my social media feeds?

I see my happy days
I see my sad days
I see my good days
I see my bad days
I see my nice days
I see my naughty days
I see my kind days
I see my angry days

I see my life as many forms!
I see my life as many feelings!
I see my life as many emotions!
I see my life as many connections!
I see my life as many disconnections!
I see my life as many I gained!
I see my life as many I lost!
I see my life as many posts!
I see my life as many tweets!
I see my life as many moments!
I see my life as many days!
I see my life as many memories!

I see my life!

Thank you Tech Nerds,
for creating this ability to reflect on myself!

Thank you God,
for creating these Tech Nerds!

Just like an Image of You!

– Nim –

Here I am again to Thank You…

I was hit hard with Love. Love brought me to Basel, Switzerland. I was living in a beautiful crazy lovestruck imagination.

When I saw the Etihad Airlines, waiting for me to board at Melbourne, Australia airport, I cried so much. I was afraid. I knew what ever the reality was, I would be confronted by it. My poor mother who was also waiting for her flight, which was at the next gate, couldn’t take her eyes off me, her eyes filled with worry, and kept on telling me:

Be strong, I will pray for you. Don’t think of the past, and enjoy your holiday and see the country.

I didn’t even feel the 14 hour flight as half of it, I cried.

It took me so much of tears and courage to spend each initial days in Basel. I knew I’m in the West and these are the lands of Christ. I knew I had to pay respect to him.

Jesus Christ was the Buddha in the West
Thich Nhat Hanh (During an Interview with Oprah Winfrey)

I always believed this. But most Buddhists don’t see it this way, so I was blessed to hear Thich Nhat Hanh’s words.

I came to pray here as although I was smiling and touring around Basel, Switzerland, I was hurting inside.

That was the day I had to stop my prayers half way through and write this article:

https://nimeshe.blog/2019/08/19/what-more-do-we-want-from-you/

Since that day, miraculously my prayers were answered. I accomplished the first thing I came here for. To reconnect with the reality.

And I met some beautiful people in Basel. Some touched my heart so powerfully.

I will be leaving Basel, Switzerland tomorrow knowing I can easily live here. Yes, the country is a little backwards for my expectations, but behind that backwardness, the people are authentically beautiful.

I carry home some great memories of Basel, Switzerland. I carry home no regrets or no longing to be loved. I finally feel free.

So thank you, what ever the energy that is captured here. Thank you for looking after me for the last week and a half. Thank you to all love shown to me by all the people I met, including random strangers. Thank you all beautiful people I met. Thank you Basel, Switzerland.

Most importantly:

Thank you Dear Lord.

And last, but not the least:

Thank you Jesus for the love you showed, for being a human sacrifice. Thank you for tolerating all the pain given to you, but still giving us the message of Love.

I’m sorry that the world is not quite there. But, I will keep believing we are getting somewhere. I will do what ever little I can in the name of your love

– Nim –

What more do we want from you?

Here I am kneeling in front of you in a strange country, in one of those many Churches built with your name tag. Everything was written in German, but from what I’ve gathered, it is an Anglican Church.

Of course it gave me a relief to see a Church that I can go in and light a candle. I found myself praying for my own peace of mind, praying to help me ease my pain, and a peaceful earth.

But, while sitting for a while, taking pictures, It really bothered me that we, as humans, pray for more from the one who ended up teaching so much, yet got crusified. Two thousand years later, your pain and suffering isn’t enough for us, we want more. We still place this mess of a world in your hands.

I believe you did your job, you were a peace warrior, who got misunderstood by the community during that time. How vicious would have they been, to crucify someone who spoke of wisdom and peace. Someone who promoted nothing but love.

It really saddens me!

It terrifies me!

I believe it is no longer in the power of our prayers, but in the power of our actions. This country I am visiting seems a blessed nation, I can see people freely moving around, not too scared of their belongings being stolen. Although I did notice the occasional beggar on the streets, which confused me.

If each of us took action to be kind to one another, our prayers will automatically be answered. I suppose it’s easier said than done. Especially when greed for money, power, status, and aversion towards others who do not agree with one, or who is doing better, and the confusion of all mind objects come in the way. But we can still try. I’m sure we can try, but it needs a majority shift I’m sure, or the flame of love will die!

I’m sorry for bringing more of my burdens to you. Halfway through my prayer, I stopped. I can’t bother you or God anymore. All I can request God is help kind and humble human beings to be stronger than the cruel ones. And lead those cruel to understand humanity.

In my short life, thus far, my own good intentions got misunderstood, or misused plenty of times. The hurt it brought me was enough to break my heart into a million pieces. If petty little me felt such pain, what pain would you have felt to be hanging their on the cross, looking at your mother. What pain would you have felt! What an unbearable pain you must have felt. Would have been a lot more emotional pain than the physical pain of crusification.

After all that pain,

What more do we want from you?

What more do we pray from you?

Are we so powerless not to do something on our own?

– Nim –

Do we only see you as an Alpha Male?

Did we teach you the wrong thing?
Did we ask you too much?
Did you have to be superman,
even when you could not?

Is that soccer ball,
Is that basket ball,
Is that cricket ball,
And that punching bag,
Your only friend?

Are there enough poems written about your love?
Are there enough songs sung about your heart?
Are there enough people who see through to your happiness?
Or
Do we only see you as an Alpha Male?

Do you feel alone?
Do you feel lost?
Do you feel misunderstood?
Do you feel like you don’t know how?

Just like me, are you sitting alone today with just a soccer ball?

– Nim –

Do I know that I still have anger as an emotion, present?

Do I know that I still have anger as an emotion present?

I do

Do I know that I observe this emotion, when present?

I do

What are the ways of which I respond to this emotion?

  • Internal thoughts (with no action from 5 sensory organs)
  • Go for a smoke (During which I may have other thoughts, observations, and sometimes cry)
  • Listen to a song (Sometimes to life me up)
  • Sometimes try to say words to express I am feeling this in form of spoken words, or written form.

Do I know if I have showed below the line (Not being Responsible) in any of the above (In thought, words, or action)?

I do

Do I know I can improve?

I do

Am I sad?

Yes I am.

Why am I sad?

I feel like I need to be perfectly capable of being Responsible, even if the whole world around me is falling apart.

I also feel other’s have this expectation of me. But I don’t know if it is true.

Do I think it is possible to achieve?

Yes I do. Theoretically, I am responsible for my own thoughts, words, or deeds.

Do I think I have improved?

I do

Do I know I am improving as we speak?

I do. That is why I am writing this.

Then, Why do I feel sad?

The little person in me wants to be acknowledged for all the trying.

So how can I acknowledge?

I don’t know. Most days I thank. But on days like today, I feel like I’ve failed myself.

If today was a failure, what is a victory?

I actually don’t know.

If I didn’t have failures, how do I know there is room to improve?

I actually don’t know.

Do I know I have tried the best for today?

I feel I can do better.

Do I know the amount of pressure I am putting on myself?

I do

Do I need to be aware that Rome wasn’t Built in a Day?

I do

Do I know that if I die tonight, I have to be happy with what I have achieved?

I do

I know all of above. But I am hurting today. So I will hurt a bit, and tomorrow I will be better.

On a good note,
If Gods wish,

I will be in Switzerland mid next month
I will be able to know if my former lover is even remotely keen about me

On a good note,
I have gone a spiritual journey

Working for my love
Working for human rights
Working for equality, and equanimity
Working to better my self
Working to better the world

On a good note,

I always try to be the best version I can be

On a good note,

When I fail, I feel sad, so that I can understand how much it means to me to NOT hurt others.

On a good note,

Even feeling sad is being Responsible!

– Nim –

An appreciation of the song “It Goes On” by Grim Richard

Contents

Introdction
So who is Walking the Song?
Let the Appreciation Begin!
—- Lyrics and Links
—- Analysis of Emotions Captured and Other Highlights
—- Translate to Liebe’s Story

Introduction

This is the first time in a long time I am doing a literature review. In fact, the last time was back in 1994-1996 period (age 14-16), where I studied English Literature as a subject for my General Certificate Examination (Ordinary Level) in Sri Lanka.

This definitely is the first time, I know the author, Adam (Grim Richard / Adam James Richardson), personally. This dynamic brings along the myth within my beliefs that I actually know the author, just because I’ve had an external glimpse of a few of his teen years.

So I must be careful, not to let my prior knowledge that is merely my perception, get in the way. However, I am aware, that even if I objectively review this piece of writing, which has been delivered to general public as a song, it will only be a reflection of my own experience of life. But, with the Artist’s permission, who I consider like a Son, despite our age gap, I will give an attempt.

It’s a day for first timers! I can sense it in the air that I breath.

Maybe my review will be in the form of a story. I’ll first write a quick analysis of the song, dig out the encapsulated emotions, and any key take aways, and wrap a story around it.

So Who is Walking the Song?

Ok! How do we do this?

I need a name for the character spoken about within the song. The lyrics doesn’t speak of gender or sexualiy of the Observer captured within. And I do not want to assume the song captures solely the author’s thought processes, as this song may have been influenced by others.

So let’s name them “Liebe”, meaning “Love” in German. This is the same name I gave the stray Cat I tried to adopt sometime ago. The reason was my knowing that the Cat was a lesson of Love for myself and anyone who is impacted or influenced by myself. An artist always expresses with unconditional Love. Fame, Money, and Other Agendas never interfere an Artist at the time of expression. So, Liebe it is! (Bedingungslose).

So, Liebe the Cat, this is your story.

Let the Appreciation Begin!

NOTE: I hope the Author Appreciates the Appreciation 🤗

Lyrics and Links

I will never see the insides of the houses on this street
Or see the way the dust dances through the morning sun
Before the heat

Never feel the warm embrace of the living room
His loving touch or her sweet perfume
But I’m okay with that

Never feel alone on the kitchen floor
with wine stained teeth surrounded by all of this space

And I’ve never felt so terrified of this

Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head
I’m far too scared of this to speak to my friends
Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head
Do you still think of us as friends

I will never see the insides of your eyelids from your eyes
Or see the pictures that you paint behind them while you’re asleep

Is your mind a beautiful silver screen
With images of you and me
Oh, I’d be okay with that
And do you hear the beautiful melodies
You sing for me whenever we speak
I’ve never been so terrified of you

Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head
I’m far too scared of this to speak to my friends
Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head
Do you still think of us as friends
Cause it goes on and on and on in my head
And it goes on and on and on in my head

And it goes on and on and on in my head that I’ve got you to thank even if nothing else works out

Song Links:
https://youtu.be/8pKfTOzKcWI

https://play.google.com/music/m/Atodl5dwf3fzdgjuq5cxkeitjvm?t=Grim_Richard

Analysis of Emotions Captured and Other Highlights

The Author appears to be curious. Curious about his surroundings, Curious about his loved ones, Curious about himself… He also questions his importance and acceptance by society or loved ones.

He shows that he struggles to connect, and understand all things he is curious about. He shows his inability to fully comprehend another(s) and their ways of life in a social aspect, but also appears to be shoked about the vastness of “Life” in relation to his physical existence.

The author uses the word “House” as well as points to “Mind” to indicate this disconnect.

The author describes his love, that collides with confusion, and a form of guilt that appears to stem from his own actions or reactions that were caused by these confusing moments.

The author describes, about one’s dreams and unspoken words he is curious about, and fails to fathom.

Overall, I feel that the author is uncertain about the future, despite promises, and promising changes, he doubts the path or what the future holds. A good quality to have, but needs careful self observation and analysis. He doesn’t appear to be fully confident in the support he receives from the “People in control” or “God’s in control”. He appears to be overwhelmed by the uncertainty of life, which is the same aspect he thrives on and admires as an artist. But, when the uncertainty and dependability of people, let it be family, friends, colleagues, government, religion, or something bigger, is in question, it can be confusing and tiring, but may also be a blessing.

My Conclusion / Summary:

Life’s exact path for each individual is unique. Most of us, most of our lives live in our future, not in a vision, goal, or dream, but in doubt and worry. Nothing wrong with that, but we can be happier if we learnt to manage that.

If we are forming a choir within a group of friends, our individual voice, range, and abilities gives us the opportunity to make angelic music. If one forget the lyrics or some part, the others can fill the gaps and keep singing.

We all are uniquely filling gaps made by others. That is our purpose, to add what is missing that can compliment to the greater good.

Where did we come from or where do we go will not matter if we are happy with how we stay!

Liebe’s Story

Liebe, and the other homeless Cats are just waking up.

Is Mohammed Going to feed me today?

a routine and momentary thought. Liebe, is always hungry!

While aimlessly wondering around, it suddenly dawned on Liebe…

Why is it only Mohammed,Well, him and his Mum seems reliable!

Then that other crazy dude who talks to all of us! Very friendly, but he doesn’t know that we can hear his thoughts as well.

“Oh Hiiiiii” he says to Mr.Grumpy

“Fuck! He looks scary” he thinks while getting into the car.

I am keeping my distance, as I really don’t know what is with him

He walked a bit more, and his entire world stopped again! Liebe started to feel sad, the usual story, the usual feeling, the usual questions….

I wish I had an owner! Someone who considers me to be part of their home. I don’t even know what these houses look from the inside. But they sure do look warm and comfortable.

Liebe then looked at the two other Cats.

I wonder whether they feel the same as me?

Mr. Grumpy, always says

“I love this homeless life”,

but why is he Grumpy then? Who knows what is in his head? Who knows what is in anyone’s head for that matter?

Quoting the Song:

I will never see the insides of the houses on this street

Or see the way the dust dances through the morning sun

Before the heat

Never feel the warm embrace of the living room

His loving touch or her sweet perfume

But I’m okay with that

One early morning, while the Sun was still sleeping, Liebe noticed that the Crazy dude’s door was open and the light on. Liebe went closer.

Oh! He is Rocking up like us! Not covering up the Body! (Naked!)

He is definitely in another world! Must have taken something. Look at the fucking mess!

He is looking at the TV!

LOL! A couple of humans are having some fun. Crazo seems to be excited by it!

Cute!

Liebe invited himself in, the crazy dude looked at him and said

Hi… Did you want to see what’s in here…It’s only me! Have a look around if you want

Liebe couldn’t believe it. It literally walked into every room, every corner. Liebe hung for a while. He also let Liebe eat what ever the food that was around him. But, It was dark, messy, and lonely in there! After a while Liebe couldn’t breath, it walked out for some fresh air. The crazy dude closed the door behind Liebe.

Oh well! At least I had a glimpse…

Liebe was now unsure of these houses. What he just saw shocked him. But he wondered what it must feel like to be the crazy dude!

Quoting the Song:

Never feel alone on the kitchen floor

with wine stained teeth surrounded by all of this space

And I’ve never felt so terrified of this

Liebe’s wish was granted! Who ever is in charge of this planet Earth made the Crazy dude open the door more often for Liebe.

Liebe got to know Crazo (Liebe’s name for the Crazy Dude) pretty well.
Liebe was surprised how he let Liebe come in, and check out. Liebe was still unsure, so after a while it went back to it’s home, the outside world.

But the turning point was when Crazo got a little ill, it was the Easter weekend. He was in pain, he let Liebe jump in bed with him.

He is really unwell! I hope he is ok

Liebe thought, and spent the whole night comforting him.

Since that day Liebe couldn’t stop thinking about what it thought about these houses from outside, then what it saw on the inside.

Liebe also couldn’t stop thinking about Crazo, what he appeared to be from outside, and what it was on the inside.

The Crazo bothered him the most. Liebe believed that he couldn’t discuss this with Mr. Grumpy, or any other cat. They were all very different.

Liebe, since then tried to be happy in his home. But, he loves the occasional cuddle from Crazo.

Liebe learns to let the future unravel the unknown, and lived his life, with Love.

Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head

I’m far too scared of this to speak to my friends

Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head

Do you still think of us as friends

I will never see the insides of your eyelids from your eyes

Or see the pictures that you paint behind them while you’re asleep

Is your mind a beautiful silver screen

With images of you and me

Oh, I’d be okay with that

And do you hear the beautiful melodies

You sing for me whenever we speak

I’ve never been so terrified of you

Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head

I’m far too scared of this to speak to my friends

Cause’ it Goes On and on and on in my head

Do you still think of us as friends

Cause it goes on and on and on in my head

And it goes on and on and on in my head

And it goes on and on and on in my head that I’ve got you to thank even if nothing else works out

– The End –