Who should make the move first – A dating dilemma

If you are in a stage in life where you may ask for first or next dates from a “random stranger” you’ve met, I am confident that you have faced the dilemma of “who should make the move.”

As for me, this is where I fail. Instead of telling those who I like;

“By the way, I really like you. I would like to meet again. But, if you invite me, it will make me feel safe, as I don’t have confidence to invite you. But if you feel the same way, it would be good if you let me know. So that I know I have to make the next move by inviting you, If you don’t, I will assume your silence is an indicator of your disinterest in me. Of course, then silence would work to communicate the actual message. It would be good if you break the silence and let me know your truth when it comes to this topic”

I end up making my own mind about it. Some of the moves that I come up with when doing so are:

  • Instantly assume they were not interested.
  • Somehow, I’ve said to myself, I am not as good-looking. This is a judgment that they have the same “measuring stick” for the physical attraction that I have about myself. Thus, they might not see me as good-looking. So often don’t even ask for a date.

But, the truth is, I, more often than not, usually don’t communicate my personal truth. 

Instead; 

  • I might use a “confident face” and walk out, but deep inside, I think of them for many more days to come. 
  • Blush and beat around the bush.
  • Just look at them from a distance, and think to myself, “never going to happen.”
  • Wait for them to make a move.
  • Or got lost in the number of people I found attractive, but now confused about the whole lot, so don’t ask anyone for a date.

But during the same time, the other person’s reality could be vastly different. 

  • They might not have thought about me at all, because they didn’t focus that much in me or feel they need more information if they are to make a move.
  • They might have decided I am unattractive.
  • They might not have been looking for a date in me or anyone else at that moment. 
  • They thought too highly of me, from the physical appearance or whatever else, and didn’t have confidence, just the same way I didn’t, to approach me for a date. 

I couldn’t even type the last part of it for multiple reasons. Wow. A classic case of low-self-worth? That’s me!

So, I guess my biggest lesson here is:

  • I should make a few moves and try my best to communicate my truth and be prepared to hear their truth delivered to the best of their ability and comfort levels.

“who should make the first move, or who should make the next move” are both now in my hands; my confidence and truthfulness. Actually, it’s also in the other’s hands, their confidence, and comfort to be truthful. I mean, if I’m as brutally honest as I have suggesgted in my first paragraph, they might even consider me a werido and think:

Why the hell didn’t he just throw a pick up line, and make it a bit romantic.

In case they think that way, my answer to that will be:

If we get through this boring stage, I promise, I can be romantic. Help me out. I’m learning to date.

Wow. I am learning this as I type, so it’s weird.

Good luck to myself and anyone who reads this for all future “dating.” 

– Nimeshe –

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