Introduction
A short video about a personal journey and observations around Hate, Forgiveness, and Loving-Kindness and the relationship it has to tolerance and acceptance.
Video
Transcript
0:00:00.399,0:00:03.840
my name is Nimesh i’m from melbourne
0:00:02.320,0:00:06.560
australia
0:00:03.840,0:00:08.480
today i thought i’ll speak about
0:00:06.560,0:00:11.920
tolerance acceptance
0:00:08.480,0:00:14.080
forgiveness and loving kindness do i
0:00:11.920,0:00:16.320
really think that i’m suitable to talk
0:00:14.080,0:00:17.760
about this about two days ago if you ask
0:00:16.320,0:00:18.560
me the question i would have definitely
0:00:17.760,0:00:21.760
said
0:00:18.560,0:00:24.640
no why i was in
0:00:21.760,0:00:27.279
a quite the dark space and what amazed
0:00:24.640,0:00:29.359
me was that i actually found myself
0:00:27.279,0:00:30.640
hating a lot of people a lot of world
0:00:29.359,0:00:33.360
around me
0:00:30.640,0:00:34.399
and not only that there was a moment
0:00:33.360,0:00:37.840
where i
0:00:34.399,0:00:40.079
wished that i had the power to
0:00:37.840,0:00:43.440
plant a little bomb right in the center
0:00:40.079,0:00:45.520
of the earth so that everything flows up
0:00:43.440,0:00:48.399
this completely perplexed me because in
0:00:45.520,0:00:50.559
the last three years at least
0:00:48.399,0:00:52.160
i have been loving kindness have been a
0:00:50.559,0:00:53.440
mantra for me forgiveness has been a
0:00:52.160,0:00:56.559
mantra for me
0:00:53.440,0:00:57.280
where i do find myself even being kind
0:00:56.559,0:01:00.320
to
0:00:57.280,0:01:02.640
insects and it’s come so natural for me
0:01:00.320,0:01:03.440
but the last two weeks something within
0:01:02.640,0:01:07.760
me
0:01:03.440,0:01:09.760
bottled up and i found myself
0:01:07.760,0:01:12.960
pretty much hating just about everybody
0:01:09.760,0:01:16.320
and i was really edgy which meant that
0:01:12.960,0:01:18.880
the slightest irritation the slightest
0:01:16.320,0:01:21.040
thing that comes my way i had the
0:01:18.880,0:01:24.240
potential to blow up
0:01:21.040,0:01:27.759
i did sleep quite a bit so
0:01:24.240,0:01:29.920
however we are here now and
0:01:27.759,0:01:32.799
thank god because it feels a lot better
0:01:29.920,0:01:36.000
my body feels a lot lighter
0:01:32.799,0:01:39.200
and i feel much healthier
0:01:36.000,0:01:42.720
now um with regard to
0:01:39.200,0:01:46.079
forgiveness i think i have had
0:01:42.720,0:01:47.119
some traumatic experiences as a young
0:01:46.079,0:01:49.520
adult
0:01:47.119,0:01:50.479
and i do find myself occasionally saying
0:01:49.520,0:01:54.159
how i
0:01:50.479,0:01:57.280
forgive them now
0:01:54.159,0:01:59.119
what i’ve noticed about this
0:01:57.280,0:02:00.640
part of forgiveness especially with
0:01:59.119,0:02:03.119
regard to what came up
0:02:00.640,0:02:04.880
in the last couple of weeks all these
0:02:03.119,0:02:07.920
things also came up
0:02:04.880,0:02:09.039
how unfair the world has been what i
0:02:07.920,0:02:12.239
found out was
0:02:09.039,0:02:15.280
that i have
0:02:12.239,0:02:18.560
tolerated those incidents
0:02:15.280,0:02:20.959
and i have put them under the carpet
0:02:18.560,0:02:22.400
and i have walked over them and the
0:02:20.959,0:02:26.000
forgiveness i
0:02:22.400,0:02:29.200
have had is almost like
0:02:26.000,0:02:30.879
i don’t want to address that
0:02:29.200,0:02:32.879
now these days i’m working with a
0:02:30.879,0:02:36.000
gorgeous psychologist
0:02:32.879,0:02:39.280
which is great news after um
0:02:36.000,0:02:40.959
trying to do things on my own quite
0:02:39.280,0:02:42.640
stubborn
0:02:40.959,0:02:44.560
i have finally acknowledged that i
0:02:42.640,0:02:47.840
definitely need help and i’m working
0:02:44.560,0:02:47.840
with a psychologist on it
0:02:48.840,0:02:52.480
now
0:02:50.319,0:02:54.879
tolerance now we’ll if i go back to the
0:02:52.480,0:02:55.920
topic what i also noticed recently is
0:02:54.879,0:02:58.000
that the edginess
0:02:55.920,0:02:59.200
if we talk about the adrenals let’s
0:02:58.000,0:03:01.920
pretend we are walking
0:02:59.200,0:03:02.720
uh somewhere in a rush and there’s a
0:03:01.920,0:03:05.120
older
0:03:02.720,0:03:06.080
very much older person right in front of
0:03:05.120,0:03:08.959
us walking
0:03:06.080,0:03:10.720
very slow now this is obviously going to
0:03:08.959,0:03:13.920
block our speed
0:03:10.720,0:03:16.800
um now we may go okay
0:03:13.920,0:03:18.879
and breathe and go okay so literally we
0:03:16.800,0:03:20.959
might actually even tell ourselves that
0:03:18.879,0:03:23.120
that is an older person they that is
0:03:20.959,0:03:26.319
their speed and we are gonna now
0:03:23.120,0:03:29.280
pause for a second um and we
0:03:26.319,0:03:29.840
we avoid the situation we then they move
0:03:29.280,0:03:33.360
away
0:03:29.840,0:03:36.879
and we um we go our own way
0:03:33.360,0:03:40.080
but if this happens again and again
0:03:36.879,0:03:44.959
and again by about the fifth time
0:03:40.080,0:03:44.959
if we have what i name as tolerated
0:03:45.599,0:03:49.200
we would have actually now gone
0:03:47.280,0:03:51.760
frustrated
0:03:49.200,0:03:53.840
now instead of being kindly asking that
0:03:51.760,0:03:55.599
person to can you please move away we
0:03:53.840,0:03:58.159
might actually blow up
0:03:55.599,0:04:00.080
at this innocent person who’s got
0:03:58.159,0:04:01.680
nothing to do with us
0:04:00.080,0:04:03.840
they don’t probably don’t even know we
0:04:01.680,0:04:04.799
exist behind them trying to overtake
0:04:03.840,0:04:08.159
them
0:04:04.799,0:04:11.200
now tolerance
0:04:08.159,0:04:14.159
i have found has been
0:04:11.200,0:04:15.360
quite detrimental it is probably better
0:04:14.159,0:04:18.799
than
0:04:15.360,0:04:20.799
being being rude in a particular
0:04:18.799,0:04:24.320
situation but
0:04:20.799,0:04:27.680
instead of walking my truth and asking
0:04:24.320,0:04:29.199
permission to for my journey if i have
0:04:27.680,0:04:31.360
tolerated
0:04:29.199,0:04:33.520
and just bottled it up push it under the
0:04:31.360,0:04:36.160
carpet
0:04:33.520,0:04:38.479
you avoid the situation but one baggage
0:04:36.160,0:04:40.400
item is in your bag now
0:04:38.479,0:04:42.000
so you might not remember it after a
0:04:40.400,0:04:45.120
while but you have just
0:04:42.000,0:04:49.360
suppressed one place where
0:04:45.120,0:04:49.360
it wasn’t authentically your truth
0:04:49.440,0:04:55.360
now if i take the older person and
0:04:51.360,0:04:55.360
slower person to the example again
0:04:55.440,0:04:59.680
instead of tolerating if we sort of like
0:04:57.840,0:05:01.680
pure-heartedly acknowledge
0:04:59.680,0:05:03.520
that that this is that person’s journey
0:05:01.680,0:05:06.560
and they’re not doing any harm now
0:05:03.520,0:05:08.240
if we’re in a rush to go somewhere we we
0:05:06.560,0:05:10.880
probably don’t have what is
0:05:08.240,0:05:13.120
like so valuable these days the time to
0:05:10.880,0:05:16.320
actually process all of these things
0:05:13.120,0:05:18.160
uh so what probably would be better is
0:05:16.320,0:05:19.039
for me to sort of say excuse me when you
0:05:18.160,0:05:21.199
do this
0:05:19.039,0:05:22.800
it irritates me or excuse me can you
0:05:21.199,0:05:24.320
please move aside so that i can go
0:05:22.800,0:05:27.280
because i’m in a bit of a rush
0:05:24.320,0:05:27.680
now i can still be polite about it and
0:05:27.280,0:05:30.479
and
0:05:27.680,0:05:32.960
and and work on my truth my personal
0:05:30.479,0:05:36.240
journey and it is
0:05:32.960,0:05:36.960
it is my part there’s no rudeness in
0:05:36.240,0:05:40.560
that
0:05:36.960,0:05:43.360
but what i noticed is after blowing up
0:05:40.560,0:05:45.039
a couple of times randomly for useless
0:05:43.360,0:05:47.680
things
0:05:45.039,0:05:49.360
i realized actually i have tolerated
0:05:47.680,0:05:50.800
certain things without wholeheartedly
0:05:49.360,0:05:53.759
accepting or
0:05:50.800,0:05:55.120
or communicating hey this is like we
0:05:53.759,0:05:57.520
need to find a balance in this
0:05:55.120,0:06:01.199
relationship somewhere
0:05:57.520,0:06:03.919
so tolerance versus uh acceptance
0:06:01.199,0:06:06.240
and also accepting them and us so
0:06:03.919,0:06:08.960
intolerance we are sort of going i’m
0:06:06.240,0:06:12.639
better almost because i’m tolerating you
0:06:08.960,0:06:15.280
in acceptance we are equal therefore i’m
0:06:12.639,0:06:16.240
accepting myself and my needs as much as
0:06:15.280,0:06:19.600
i’m accepting you
0:06:16.240,0:06:20.000
and your needs now have i mastered the
0:06:19.600,0:06:22.160
art
0:06:20.000,0:06:24.240
definitely no and part of me is now
0:06:22.160,0:06:25.759
scared that the universe will give me
0:06:24.240,0:06:27.440
a bit of a test if you spoke in the
0:06:25.759,0:06:29.039
theory go for a test and see for
0:06:27.440,0:06:30.240
yourself because often it has happened
0:06:29.039,0:06:33.680
to me and it is
0:06:30.240,0:06:34.000
usually i fail miserably and it’s sort
0:06:33.680,0:06:36.080
of like
0:06:34.000,0:06:38.160
oh i actually did speak about it as if i
0:06:36.080,0:06:40.240
know what i mean and then i’m now
0:06:38.160,0:06:41.680
practicing it and i’m nowhere close to
0:06:40.240,0:06:44.720
what i spoke about
0:06:41.680,0:06:46.479
so part of this video making i’m a bit
0:06:44.720,0:06:48.240
terrified that oh my god will this
0:06:46.479,0:06:49.360
situation happen to me now now i have to
0:06:48.240,0:06:52.160
practice it but
0:06:49.360,0:06:52.560
hopefully the if it comes up to me in my
0:06:52.160,0:06:54.160
path
0:06:52.560,0:06:56.800
hopefully it’s a bit gentle and i will
0:06:54.160,0:06:58.800
have enough
0:06:56.800,0:07:00.720
breathing space to practice what i’m
0:06:58.800,0:07:03.280
preaching but
0:07:00.720,0:07:04.800
true forgiveness i do not think comes
0:07:03.280,0:07:06.880
from tolerance
0:07:04.800,0:07:08.800
without true forgiveness i do not think
0:07:06.880,0:07:12.160
there is true loving kindness
0:07:08.800,0:07:13.520
now today at the shower i realized after
0:07:12.160,0:07:15.440
opening the tap that
0:07:13.520,0:07:17.280
a little and i believe it was an end i
0:07:15.440,0:07:19.520
tried to find out what it was but
0:07:17.280,0:07:21.599
it was it was now going down in the
0:07:19.520,0:07:24.880
drain with the water and i was going
0:07:21.599,0:07:26.720
oh no i couldn’t save it but
0:07:24.880,0:07:28.240
unlike any other day where i would beat
0:07:26.720,0:07:30.720
myself up i sort of went
0:07:28.240,0:07:32.319
okay that happened and the next moment i
0:07:30.720,0:07:34.080
was presented with another opportunity
0:07:32.319,0:07:36.560
there was a tiny little spider
0:07:34.080,0:07:38.160
that i actually managed to rescue with a
0:07:36.560,0:07:39.520
little toilet paper and just
0:07:38.160,0:07:40.960
moved aside i don’t know whether the
0:07:39.520,0:07:43.360
site was thankful for that because i
0:07:40.960,0:07:45.680
couldn’t communicate but it basically
0:07:43.360,0:07:47.360
i basically saved its life by my
0:07:45.680,0:07:48.960
presence like
0:07:47.360,0:07:51.520
or else my presence and activity would
0:07:48.960,0:07:55.520
have killed it uselessly randomly
0:07:51.520,0:07:57.280
so uh that that itself i felt that
0:07:55.520,0:07:58.879
there was acceptance the previous
0:07:57.280,0:08:01.199
situation was
0:07:58.879,0:08:03.280
i actually accepted that actually i did
0:08:01.199,0:08:04.160
not see that it was unconscious it just
0:08:03.280,0:08:06.639
happened
0:08:04.160,0:08:08.240
and the second situation it doesn’t mean
0:08:06.639,0:08:10.479
that just because a previous accident
0:08:08.240,0:08:11.919
i’m not good enough anymore
0:08:10.479,0:08:14.479
i could actually do something about the
0:08:11.919,0:08:17.599
second situation uh
0:08:14.479,0:08:20.160
now in a good headspace this week today
0:08:17.599,0:08:22.879
i’m able to practice what i preach and
0:08:20.160,0:08:24.319
i’m able to see all of these things but
0:08:22.879,0:08:27.440
last week with a completely different
0:08:24.319,0:08:29.360
story i was bad i was
0:08:27.440,0:08:31.199
ugly i was everything just about just
0:08:29.360,0:08:32.959
about all the negative things i was i
0:08:31.199,0:08:37.200
was
0:08:32.959,0:08:39.760
and uh this video is is an outlet for me
0:08:37.200,0:08:40.719
as well and also uh i am quite
0:08:39.760,0:08:43.200
passionate about
0:08:40.719,0:08:44.959
talking and writing about what i learned
0:08:43.200,0:08:46.800
along my journey so
0:08:44.959,0:08:48.240
i hope you have got something out of
0:08:46.800,0:08:51.680
this um
0:08:48.240,0:08:55.279
and once again to as a recap
0:08:51.680,0:08:57.200
tolerance does not bring um
0:08:55.279,0:08:59.040
the other person fully into the picture
0:08:57.200,0:09:00.480
you’re not fully accepting yourself as
0:08:59.040,0:09:02.480
anyone truth either
0:09:00.480,0:09:03.519
you’re sort of it’s almost like you’re
0:09:02.480,0:09:05.440
either higher
0:09:03.519,0:09:07.040
than them or lowered and then you’re
0:09:05.440,0:09:08.959
sort of tolerating a situation and
0:09:07.040,0:09:10.959
you’re actually avoiding a situation
0:09:08.959,0:09:13.279
acceptance you’re bringing that that
0:09:10.959,0:09:15.519
person’s needs and your own needs
0:09:13.279,0:09:17.680
and true forgiveness only can happen in
0:09:15.519,0:09:19.600
a place space of acceptance
0:09:17.680,0:09:21.680
and without true forgiveness to your
0:09:19.600,0:09:23.519
yourself and others
0:09:21.680,0:09:24.959
there’s no love or no room for loving
0:09:23.519,0:09:28.080
kindness
0:09:24.959,0:09:29.600
so on that note i will end this talk i
0:09:28.080,0:09:31.680
hope you have a great day i’m in
0:09:29.600,0:09:34.480
melbourne australia it’s a nice and warm
0:09:31.680,0:09:36.800
day 20 degrees today my mother and i are
0:09:34.480,0:09:39.600
planning to go to the city just randomly
0:09:36.800,0:09:40.720
uh because we have been locked down in
0:09:39.600,0:09:42.720
during code and it’s
0:09:40.720,0:09:44.800
doing quite the heading for me actually
0:09:42.720,0:09:47.040
probably did a lot mental health wise
0:09:44.800,0:09:49.120
so i hope wherever you are you’re having
0:09:47.040,0:09:50.320
a great day if you’re on the lockdown
0:09:49.120,0:09:51.920
again
0:09:50.320,0:09:54.080
please take care of your mental health
0:09:51.920,0:09:55.200
it has we have really underestimated
0:09:54.080,0:09:57.760
what it does to us
0:09:55.200,0:10:00.080
and i have personally experienced the
0:09:57.760,0:10:03.279
last nine months being locked up
0:10:00.080,0:10:05.279
it really does things to your head that
0:10:03.279,0:10:06.560
brings out things that you don’t like
0:10:05.279,0:10:07.920
about yourself but it’s good if you’re
0:10:06.560,0:10:13.200
working on it
0:10:07.920,0:10:13.200
all right have a great day good luck
A Moment with Nim! 