Shame

I started seeing a Psychologist about 3 weeks ago. By third week, I really look forward to seeing him. Its like Saturday night date night.

All other boys and girls are beautifully dressed up going for party, and I’m rocking up equally fashionable in my singlet and shorts, over the moon to see my date. (Chapel Street Melbourne, Australia; people may know what Im talking about. I actually wanted just hang and look at all the fashion. It was amazing. Anyway… I’ll shut up about that for now..)

This week’s topic was Shame.

Since I am a bit geeky about these to my own detriment, his theory gets steroids in my head during the week.

The homework I self created from one hour of non-judgemental help, where you can completely and utterly be you, and a Ted talk he had recommended:

  • Bring up 40 years worth of shit on the topic into your head.
  • Ask yourself “If no one told you what is right and wrong, and no one knows you, what would you do?”
  • While those process, multitude of Online, TV, and other media trigger the shit that has come up.
  • Observe thoughts, judgements, and beliefs even on the theory he gave (I am ashamed of being ashamed kinda shit!! 🤦‍♂️)
  • And of course world throws ideas around anyway. I mean 8 billion people don’t shut up because 1 person is taking therapy. I mean 8 people dying each day comiting suicide (in Australia) hasn’t stopped it.
  • Religious talks, and racial talks and who is worse than who is around you like a radio.

I mean it is a good head fuck and a detox. But, its good. It’s hard but good.

What was interesting was, I asked him on my way out, whats for homework. He said “No homework, but if you like, make some time for social interactions”.

Of course Nim the good student role has to come up, and now i am busy trying to create social interactions.

Shame!!!

I was busy judging every social interaction that has been judged before, when no one died or got badly hurt.

Shame!

I also made it about something in my head. He didnt give me a single boundary or definition, I was too busy fixing myself, even when he said “you are not defective and broken”.

I have started to take some steps, my way of course, what i am comfortable with, maybe slight adjustments, but i fear if i dont do baby steps, ill feel overwhelmed.

2 days have gone past since the session, and I already feel like i have stuff for next session.

Funny thing is I did a 1 hour talk about responsibility at work. There was a section on Shame and Blame. And I am ashamed i am taking therapy for the same topic. Its ok, apparently Shame is a thing. Here is the link to the Ted talk. I loved it.

https://youtu.be/L0ifUM1DYKg

– Nim –

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