Last Saturday night… I didn’t particularly look for a “date”, but the “thought” about a potential companion dragged the “beast” for a little while.
Sunday morning… I went for a bike ride early morning. After random stops, random thoughts, and random tracks followed, a well hidden bushland gave me a naughty idea. So I decided…
Finally, let’s tame the beast!
Thats when this boy walked in on me. He waved a signal to say “You’re alright”, and walked away from me to a distant corner. He looked as if he was suffocating, or finding it difficult to breath. Something was not right. But he was too far away to know for sure.
Then, after sometime, he walked past me. He continued without stopping near me.
I whispered in my mind
Please come to me…
I felt like he heard me, as he stopped at the exact time of my request in thought. He came to me and sat near me. I tried to flirt, but he declared he was not intersted in boys and just wanted someone to talk to. So I had to forget about other business, which was rather easy, as the topic he wanted to talk about was “Religion, Spirituality, God… “
I loved the way he took over my energy, saw no issue with it, took a moment to get to know me, and tamed the beast, with loving kindness.
Of course, he had to be straight!!! How Unfair!!
His name was Josh. (Of course by now you know this as I’ve already told you his name).
A 29 year old, white boy with golden hair. His face had a couple of wounds, could be from a fight. Hands looked like they knew what hard work was. He looked tired, but when the boy smiled, I felt like he was an angel.
He was beautiful… I wanted to run my fingers through his skin and golden hair. I wanted to kiss his forehead, and hug him tight. While doing so in my mind, I attentively listened to him. I let him take me to his life.
I feel lost. I don’t know where to go anymore. I have done a lot of bad things in life…
Josh easily found his way into my heart.
God and Satan
Which God do you believe in?
What do you think of Satan?
These were some of the questions coming out of Josh. I confirmed my understanding of God, a single creative force, despite the different names we use. I also confirmed, my understanding of Satan, as the other side of the same coin as “God”. With no God, Satan wouldn’t exist as a “concept”, and how we hold different versions of the concept of “Satan” depending on our upbringing, and how I see Satan as God’s best friend.
Hell below the ground
Josh was concerned about some of his past behaviour. He claimed, he had taken things that weren’t given to him, in the past, and he never said sorry or return them. He told that he is afraid that these will get in the way of his relationship with God.
He also talked about “desire for flesh”, and other biblical references, to define various “Judgements” that would decide who goes where.
Once agian, I tried to tell him my personal view or knowing. I told him about “lives” that continue to exist even when the body has passed over, only as a mind, which is the closest to hell that I know exist. I declared that this experience, if someone goes through can be painful, and pointed out, how we must always be ready to die, and at the time of death, go through the process wihtout fear, knowing God is forgiving. Even when God is tough, he is only giving you a slap on your wrist.
Josh seems to have read about a Hell that has scary looking people who make one their slave.
Josh, but we are all slaving to quite beastly people. Most of us. We are already in hell. I highly doubt we will find a worse hell than this. We have so many criminals running the world. We have deceases made into buisnessess, and poor not considered in “modern socienty” as worthy of recieving. So don’t worry too much about it. My experience of “death” as a meditation, has always been like an “interview”, and it is scary. The voice I heard was tough. The voice I heard asked questions, and didn’t give answers, but got me to find the answer myself. But, I’ve always come out of it with a lot of love, acceptance, and forgiveness.
Running out of time
Josh talked about urgency to serve God. He talked about running out of time. My take on that was how we all are running out of time, most of the time!!!
I do recall in 2017, saying, how we must turn things around now, or else it will be too late. That was in reference to Planet earth, the damage we have done.
Will I go to hell?
Once again, Josh was concerned about going to hell. His authentic honesty, and genuie desire to learn, grow, and know God, told me, that he was worrying too much.
I tried to emphasize his good looks, and good nature. I reminded him about his kindness.
I will follow the rules, Bible has the rules
Josh believes that the Bible defines all the “Rules” and God wishes to judge us. I requested Josh to consider a single precept, instead of confusing himself with all different rules. :
Be true to yourself, Be true to others
We kissed goodbye (I wish)
It was getting a little late. It was now about 9am, and I was supposed to go out for lunch at a friends house. So, I had to part. I wanted to hug him, but to make things “cool”, I offered my hand to shake.
I don’t know where thats been just before!!!
.. he smiled at me telling me how he knows where it’s been before, and how he didn’t want to shake my hand… LOL!!
I considered everything he told me, everything he was thinking about, every question… Most of which I haven’t written here. I called him one last time
Josh, if you like to take something from this meeting, please consider a single precept, be true to yourself, and true to others. Also, please tell yourself, all these other concerns you have about life “could be true”, “could not be true”, hence you should try to practice to always come back to “here and now” and sit with direct experiences,. Here and now is the best medicine, when doubts and fears of the world, consume and cloud your mind.
I told him how my own thoughts made me sad over the weekend, and how I too, despite the “preaching” have to practice daily.
With an adorable smile, he walked another direction… I watched him for a while. I was sure he was an angel, sent from heaven above, to remind me of the love I show, and the love I seek.
Dear Josh – A letter to thank him
Thank you for stopping to have a chat with me. I’m glad, we could very quickly settle what each other could offer.
I don’t know about your story, but what you shared with me touched my heart, and gave me some lessons. The weekend, that appeared to be aimless, I feel finally had it’s purpose. To meet you.
Some of the things you asked me, about Heaven and Hell, God, and Satan, which God, etc, were tokens of love, that showed how subscribed you are to be with God. I don’t know whether God sent you to me to help me, or sent me to you to help you, coz we both appear to be equally lost.
I hope you manage to let go of most of the rules, and go with your direct experiences.
The “Hell” as you described it, if one focuses and believes, probably can be created. Imagine, being on LSD (not that I have done this), and all you can think of is Hell!!! So, if you create it in your mind, when the body fails on you, you can create it for yourself. So please don’t focus on fear.
My humble recommendation would be to closely watch yourself, and when you don’t know say to God “I’m sorry father I don’t know… Plese guide me”
If you practices this, practice having a relationship with yourself, and God, you will not have to fear a about this unknown Hell.
Hope you find a place to live. Are you really human? or were you like an Angel or spirit?
Wish you all the very best. You made my day by giving hope.
– Nim –