By now, if you have followed my blog, or my story, you would know that Loneliness is a friend, I have had for most of my life. One would think, by 40 years of age, I would master the art of loneliness, especially when one looks at some of the wisdom that has come through me.
But, from deep within, having watched my own mind, emotions, and the body messages, like a hawk, I feel I am like every other everyday human being, and loneliness is a friend who will stay with me the long haul with me.
But, then there are these famous Spiritual teachers, that I quite respect and look up to. Eckhart Tolle, Ajahn Brahm, Dallai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, Samantha Baddiya, would be a few I could name.
Having followed their teachings, and having studied my own life, I still see a gap. So this is my attempt to ask them,
What is it like to be you?
My Letter to Great Spiritual Teachers of the Present Times
Dear Eckhart Tolle, Ajahn Brahm, Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, Samantha Baddiya, and other Fully Enlightened Teachers of the Present Times,
May I first thank you for all your effort, and dedicating your life to teach humanity to this world. Some of you, I may not know at all, but I know there are many teachers like you, doing their bit, to make this world a peaceful and harmonious place to live in. So forgive me, for not calling out your name, but please know, your service is appreciated.
Having seen you in real life (I’ve see both Eckhart Tolle, and Ajahn Brahm in real life), or over the media, your state of mind is evident, even before you utter a word. Your talks, and teaching structures are some of the greatest gifts humans have recieved.
But, most of your talks and teachings, have become repetitive in nature, for my own self. Most of you either refer to your own talks, or scriptures of great spiritual teachers of the past, or your own past life (not recent life), or teach something you have taught before. Maybe because I have listened to you for a while, I can’t find anything new in there. Of course, each talk or teaching, always gifts. Yet, I am at a place, where your talks and my understanding of life has a gap. So would you please help me, and through me, help other human beings.
Can you please tell me how you handle basic human emotions in your everyday life?
Can you please refer to most recent events of your own life, to help us understand better?
Do you ever feel lonely? Or are you always happy?
Are there any moments in life, maybe when you are just about to go to bed, in your room, that you wish, you had someone to share your life with, even when you know that too is impermanant?
Why are you all Single?
Have you achieved a state where you are “Never going to feel angry or frustrated, or never going to feel horny” is that why you are single?
You may ask me, why do I wish to know about your life?
I have experienced “Death” 7 times in my life since 2013 (This could be more, but the 7 I’ve counted were significant to the teaching I hold). They were all only in my mind, but they felt very real. The initial experiences were very scary, and all 7 experiences were the loneliest experiences of my entire life. As, death is that one walk we all must do alone. But, each “Death” gifted me a completely new perspective in life, as in a very different way to see the world, or improved my persective and confidence.
I now know that I have been quite mindfull, throughout my life, which is why I remember a lot of details of my own life to refer back to to dig for lessons. Since I see the benefit of it, and because I almost can’t help the situation anymore, I watch my mind like a Hawk. Even when the world thinks I’ve gone crazy, or I’m heavily intoxicated performing a freak show, I have watched and recorded the inside journey.
I feel, and somewhat confident in my inner knowing, that when this physical form ends, that will also be the death of the Name, Body, Mind collective that is called Nimeshe Dilraj Madanayake Samsoodeen (Nim). So, want of another way of saying it, I feel I am as enlightened as it can be. If that is what you call Arahath, or fully enlightened state, so be it. But, for me, the word isn’t important, when I know I am still a normal human being. An everyday person. There is NOTHING special about me, except I look at the world a bit different, and I have managed to “Accidentally” create some attention, which itself will be the path for the teaching I hold, to flow back to this world.
Most of my teachers, except my life coaches who have managed to remain in the “Pedastal I Placed Them On” (I’m sorry for doing this “Judgement”, forgive me for I knew not what I did), like Adam Sowden, Louise Kennedy, Michi Tyson to name a few, are single, or have no plans of marriage.
What do I wish to be when I grow up?
If I’m to be a teacher, I want to be like Adam Sowden, Louise Kennedy or Michi Tyson, but the Gay version (not that I have any say in the Gayness of it all!!!). I want to live with the people, walk down the roads they walk down on, experience to the best of my ability what they experience, and teach from my own experiences.
But, sometimes it is so hard. I wish I had a friend to play life with, like Adam or Michi has. I mean, I have my mother, but I don’t want to play with her, some of the games I wanna play. Our energy relationship, is not wired that way.
In the last 5 years, I have also solely focused on ONE PERSON, as this friend I wish to play life with, although, I’ve played with many boys, the game of sex. I know I could have gotten to know them better. I know I played a part to be in the place I am today, single, and looking for a friend to play life with, and banging on one door that seems tightly shut.
Whether it’s this ONE PERSON, or ANOTHER PERSON, OR BEING SINGLE LIKE YOU, a teaching that you can gift me with is letting me know what it feels like to be you.
Do you never feel angry or frustrated? Do you never feel horny?
Do you never feel attraction to another human being, triggered by the beauty of them, that you wanna touch every nook and cranny of their face and body, feel, taste, smell, and appreciate everything they have to offer?
Do you never feel the need to have such a human being, walk life with you, create another life with you?
Why do I feel this different need, yet understand what you teach? Why do I feel the need to walk down the road of a marriage, bring up (a) little human being(s), and see for my own self, and teach from that personal experience? Why can’t I give up even when I’m tired.
Please let me know what you feel. Please let me know if my view of my own “state of mind” is an incorrect view. Please let me know what it is like to be you, your everyday life, your human moments. This would be a gift of love you give to one of your passionate students.
With Lots of Love, Hugs, and Kisses (on the cheek),