NOTE: The picture I have used is by someone by the name of Praveen Bhat. I don’t believe I know him personally in this form. But I wish to thank him for the image.
Nimeshe, on the night of my sister’s wedding, 7th May 2003 to his father, Mohammed Haroon Samsoodeen.
Thaththi, knowing what you know of me, I might never have a wedding. My wedding therefore is my graduation. You have never seen me take a price at school. You never was able to come to any of my prize givings. So can you promise me you will be there for my graduation. It is on [can’t remember date], can you apply for leave and make sure you are there.
My father applied for leave, and also booked flights. I was happy, for the first time, my father was going to be there.
On 11th of January 2004, we get to know, my father is in Hospital. Multiple Myeloma, cancer in the bone marrow.
The one who walked away from as usual to get into a Jet Plane, to go to Jeddah, to where he worked, came back in a wheel chair.
I was there with him the whole time. I didn’t go to work most days. I was blessed with leave. I silently served him, stayed up most nights, attending to his needs when he was on chemotherapy. I thought I was there with him when he passed. But, I had so much to say, so much to say…. I had so much to say…. I couldn’t say everything I wanted to say…. I didn’t want the dying man to suffer anymore. So I silently served. I was being as responsible as I possibly could. I possibly could. I couldn’t be anymore responsible.
On 7th March 2004, 2 or 3 months before my graduation, he passed away. It was not anyone’s fault, but the man never got to see my success. The man in the form we know never got to see.
My Dear Citizens of Earth,
Am I seeking sympathy from you. Maybe I am, but I am seeking you to hear my story, and adjust your lives. I want to teach you to love. I want to teach you impermanance. Not using a one liner that we all have heard, many times. It hasn’t managed to teach us. So here I am, teaching you, being responsible to the best of my ability.
Every moment we exist could be our last moment. Yet, we wait for a diagnosis of a terminal illness. Even then, we create a bucket list to do more.
If I may say, having winging it for 40 years, having being called irresponsible, among many other things, telling you what a supreme bucket list is.
Thank your form, yourself, for the journey thus far. Thank for your effort, thank for your mistakes, thank for your ego, thank for your desire, thank for everything that you know as yours, as you are about to leave it all behind.
Thank the people and all beings that you came across, including your imaginary friends. For they shaped your journey. Whether the shaping was pleasant, unpleasant, niether pleasant or unpleasant.
Thank the experiences.
Bring to mind each and every experience, consider your pain, consider your gifts.
Is there anything you have to offer back before you go, as a gift from you to everything you leave behind?
That in there you will find your bucket list. All other doing will also be in that bucket, and then you will Kick the Bloody Bucket one Fucking day….
With Lots Love
Nimeshe Dilraj Madanayake Samsoodeen (Nim)
May I also give thanks to one song both my sister and I loved as children from Mike and the Mechanics, Living Years.