Nim the Goodie two Shoes
First fifteen years of my life, I was living by the society’s rule book, whether it was more to be seen “Good” in another’s eye, whether it was more to be “Good” for my own self’s requirements, or what ever the unconscious strategy was, I was a “Goodie Two Shoes”.
Nim’s Shoes apparently was no Good
What triggered me to know so?
When I realised my inner sexual desires, my attraction to the same gender, only to find out that it was very wrong in the society’s eyes.
Some religious beliefs said I was hell-bound and I would be burnt, and the government laws said that I am a criminal who should go to jail for upto 5 years!!!
Nim didn’t have to consciously break any rules, Nim was born a broken rule!!!
I continued to try to be the illegal “Goodie Two Shoe” for a while, and over time at the age of 26, I picked up smoking, and smoked weed for the first time while I was in Tanzania!!! It was really cheap!
With time I broke many other rules, and made friends with many other rules breakers. And I found my Haven among these rule breakers, who were also rejected and misunderstood by the society.
Is Nim making a million excuses to continue smoking?
Yes I am!
But, not in a “shallow” way. I have made many “shallow” decisions in my life, and have learnt the hard way.
Now, unless I’m in a very emotionally unstable state, I don’t make “shallow” excuses.
I knew that smoking dated back to the first indeginous communities, but today while writing this article, I Googled “History of Smoking” and found the below blurb from a Wiki page.
The history of smoking dates back to as early as 5000 BC in the Americas in shamanisticrituals. With the arrival of the Europeans in the 16th century, the consumption, cultivation, and trading of tobacco quickly spread. The modernization of farming equipment and manufacturing increased the availability of cigarettes following the reconstruction era in the United States. Mass production quickly expanded the scope of consumption, which grew until the scientific controversies of the 1960s, and condemnation in the 1980s.
So I believe, similar to all other industries we know, tobacco/nicotine industry also was influenced by profit first approaches that didn’t consider human aspects.
Nim’s Research about his Smoking Habbits
The longest period without smoking
I consciously quit smoking on 13th March 2015, with the help of a quit smoking “hypnosis” session. At the time I was living in Sunshine Coast. On 28th March I met someone who I fell in love with with whom I spent a continuous 8 weeks. He was a smoker. Except on one occasion while drunk and in a wedding, I have never wanted to smoke.
After he left, after many twists in my life, a couple of stays in hospital and a monastery, I managed to stay without smoking. I picked up smoking again, when I was back in Melbourne.
I have always related cigarette smell to masculinity. I absolutely love a man who smells of cigarettes, and unlike the common statement about kissing smokers, I absolutely love that as well.
I feel like my state of happiness, as well as the masculine energy and scent around me flavoured with the scent of tobacco, satisfied me enough, and I didn’t need cigarettes.
The monastery had no smoking as a condition of stay. I obeyed them.
What increased the amount of cigarettes I smoke
First time I quit smoking in Australia was for financial reasons. At the time I was smoking about 5 cigarettes a day. I started using the Nicorette spray. It worked for a few months. But when I picked up, I almost doubled the amount I smoked. And this went on for a few attempts, and ended up smoking a pack a day.
This is one of the key reasons I do not use nicotine replacement products. I also can’t use Nicotine gum or mints as I get heart burn, and can’t use patches as I get allergy reactions.
The most difficult time to quit vs The easiest time to quit
The most difficult was when it was an external pressure.
- Financial Reasons (No work, on Centrelink, no money, but couldn’t quit smoking)
- Social or Peer Pressure (When a partner, friend, family pressured me or had my smoking habbit as the only topic of discussion)
The easiest time to quit was when I was very happy, and either had a partner or was fully engaged in something very passionately.
Does that me I’m unhappy now?
No! I enjoy a smoke, and I don’t feel the need to quit right now.
Nim’s Own Research about Tobacco and the current Nicotine Industry
- At a point in time, Nicotine Replacement was more expensive than smoking itself!
- The money nicotine addicted people spent, either went towards Tobacco companies, or whoever else made Nicotine replacements.
- Vape devices; one time the vape device broke with a little sound while inhaling and I ended up choking on the fumes for the longest time, it felt like I inhaled fumes coming out of a diesel engine. Another time, the nicotine was so strong, I coughed a lot more vaping than smoking. I hated it. I ended up loosing the device a day after I bought it. I took it as a sign to either quit smoking, or just stick to the known tobacco leaves.
- Sri Lanka – When I visited in 2017, the prices had gone up by 400% to 500% when compared the prices in 2010. Research had indicated that smoking had dropped by 70% or so (my friend told me so, but I didn’t know for sure). This meant, Tobacco industry was making more money than before, while creating a social split where smoking was a rich man’s hobby. I absolutely hated it. I ended up smoking “Beedee”, relatively raw tobacco rolled in some dry leaf. 20 of them was 100/- rupees as opposed to 1500/- rupees for a pack of the cheapest cigarettes. I was too poor while I was in SL to smoke cigarettes, except when gifted by family or friends. I enjoyed “Beedee”.
Nim’s Request to the Society
– Nim –