We’ve been researching, why don’t we share our findings?

The Crazy Intro

In 2017 I had a crazy realisation that what I have realised in 2015 wasn’t all that crazy.

So what do I do? Go crazy again!!! I was so happy that I danced like I’ve never done at home, like someone from a Bollywood Chick-Flick. I even danced in the near by Riverside Wak, from Ascot Vale, to Essendon …

Of course I would have been perceived as:

Crazy, or Drug Fucked!

A classic case of “Self Identification Neaurosis” (A wanker term from one of my teachers … )

Was I 100% grounded?

Of course I was!!!

Could I connect a 100% with others?

Nope! In fact, my spiritual realisation made me think I could tell someone directly and they also see the aspect of life I was trying to show.

I was wrong!

Was I an arrogant prick?

Yes I was! I am sorry.

Although it is not an excuse, I have bowed down to abusers, rapists, thugs, strangers, friends, family, monastics, religious and spiritual leaders,. social and political leaders, etc, who I always looked up to .. I always assumed I knew less, I was less…

Only to realise they were mostly just words!! Most of the people I looked up to didn’t truly know what they spoke.

So I told a lot of people to fuck off!

So I told a lot of people to Rot in Hell!

So I told a lot of people that if we don’t turnaround, there will be massive destruction on planet earth…

So I lost connection with a lot of family, and friends…

But,

I met a lot of new people, and had many meaningful connections with people from different walks of life…

Landing back in 2020

Since then I have visited Sri Lanka, as a poor person. I had less than $5/- in my wallet when I got into the Sri Lankan Airlines flight to Colombo…. But, I had the most amazing holiday.

I visited Switzerland. The whole trip was paid using a credit card. My bank card got stolen days before the trip. Once again, I arrived in Zürich, Switzerland with little or no money in my account until my Salary came through the day after I arrived in Switzerland. In fact, as per my bank report,even my donation s have bounced!

I have experienced what I consider to be “Spiritual States”, which I believe are nature’s way of testing us, to check if we are who we claim we are.

I have seen teams work in utmost connected way, and deliver value. I have seen teams work in utmost disconnection, yet, learn from their mistakes and turn around, to be utmost connected.

I have weaknesses, I get easily hurt, and sometimes when I’m hurt, I say words that I don’t truly mean. I mean it for that moment, but then, I have to have a conversation with God, to ask for forgiveness and send some love to the one who hurt me.

I have strenths as well. But my gift and my curse is my ability to love, and always think, I have done something wrong. It hurts a lot, and thus I am writing this blog post.

I am aware that there are people watching me, researching on me, and sometimes I feel I am refered to in media.

In 2017, I told a Psychiatrist in Warratah Clinic, in Mooney Ponds, the last appointment of a series of psycologists and psychiatrists I had to see, as my sister had called the CATT team on me.

I feel like people that I don’t know personally, know me. I feel like some parts of my life is recorded. I feel like people talk about me…… etc

If all of this is my imagination, I am very very sick! Then give me medikcation.

But if this is not my imagination, please keep my family out of it!

The psychiatrist who was from Sri Lankan background said:

We don’t believe you are unwell. We believe this to be a Spiritual turn or an experience.

Of course, I had to learn the hard way, that family is not just flesh and blood, it’s a collective conscious devine decision. The person in front of you (or near you) at a given moment in time, even if appears as an enemy that wishes to kill you, is your family (or your neighbour), and is a collective conscious devine decision as an experience and a meeting.

Today, the 25th of September 2020 early morning in Melbourne, Australia, my grandfather’s 11th year death anniversary, I write this blog post requesting you, pleading you:

If my imagination is correct, and you know me, and you like me, please take a moment to say hello to me, and may be tell me something you like about me, something you don’t like, something that you found funny, and maybe disgusting… I’m a little shy, so please be gentle and try not to go into topics that I too am struggling to accept as aspects of me….

If my imagination is correct and one or a collection of people have indeed followed my journey, and has done some analysis, I would love to know what you’ve found. I would love to share my side of the story…

Beacause, I too am only another human being, a lost sole, who is finding himself through others….

NOTE: My grandfather was like a father to me, and looked after me like a father, during the time my own father was working outside of Sri Lanka, in Saudi Arabia. My father was away from me in another country from my age, 3 years old to 11 years old, then 15 years old to 24 years old, where my father died of a cancer. I hardly knew him. My father role was actually played by both my Grandfather and My Father. One gave me money, and a lot of love, and unsung prayers, one gave me flesh, and blood, and a lot of unsung love….

– Nim –

Wanna Be Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, Hindu Human Being is Also My Self
Lonely Self is Also My Self
Child Self is Also My Self
Naughty Self is Also My Self
Messy Self is Also Myself

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