The Crazy Intro
In 2017 I had a crazy realisation that what I have realised in 2015 wasn’t all that crazy.
So what do I do? Go crazy again!!! I was so happy that I danced like I’ve never done at home, like someone from a Bollywood Chick-Flick. I even danced in the near by Riverside Wak, from Ascot Vale, to Essendon …
Of course I would have been perceived as:
Crazy, or Drug Fucked!
A classic case of “Self Identification Neaurosis” (A wanker term from one of my teachers … )
Was I 100% grounded?
Of course I was!!!
Could I connect a 100% with others?
Nope! In fact, my spiritual realisation made me think I could tell someone directly and they also see the aspect of life I was trying to show.
I was wrong!
Was I an arrogant prick?
Yes I was! I am sorry.
Although it is not an excuse, I have bowed down to abusers, rapists, thugs, strangers, friends, family, monastics, religious and spiritual leaders,. social and political leaders, etc, who I always looked up to .. I always assumed I knew less, I was less…
Only to realise they were mostly just words!! Most of the people I looked up to didn’t truly know what they spoke.
So I told a lot of people to fuck off!
So I told a lot of people to Rot in Hell!
So I told a lot of people that if we don’t turnaround, there will be massive destruction on planet earth…
So I lost connection with a lot of family, and friends…
I met a lot of new people, and had many meaningful connections with people from different walks of life…
Landing back in 2020
Since then I have visited Sri Lanka, as a poor person. I had less than $5/- in my wallet when I got into the Sri Lankan Airlines flight to Colombo…. But, I had the most amazing holiday.
I visited Switzerland. The whole trip was paid using a credit card. My bank card got stolen days before the trip. Once again, I arrived in Zürich, Switzerland with little or no money in my account until my Salary came through the day after I arrived in Switzerland. In fact, as per my bank report,even my donation s have bounced!
I have experienced what I consider to be “Spiritual States”, which I believe are nature’s way of testing us, to check if we are who we claim we are.
I have seen teams work in utmost connected way, and deliver value. I have seen teams work in utmost disconnection, yet, learn from their mistakes and turn around, to be utmost connected.
I have weaknesses, I get easily hurt, and sometimes when I’m hurt, I say words that I don’t truly mean. I mean it for that moment, but then, I have to have a conversation with God, to ask for forgiveness and send some love to the one who hurt me.
I have strenths as well. But my gift and my curse is my ability to love, and always think, I have done something wrong. It hurts a lot, and thus I am writing this blog post.
I am aware that there are people watching me, researching on me, and sometimes I feel I am refered to in media.
In 2017, I told a Psychiatrist in Warratah Clinic, in Mooney Ponds, the last appointment of a series of psycologists and psychiatrists I had to see, as my sister had called the CATT team on me.
I feel like people that I don’t know personally, know me. I feel like some parts of my life is recorded. I feel like people talk about me…… etc
If all of this is my imagination, I am very very sick! Then give me medikcation.
But if this is not my imagination, please keep my family out of it!
The psychiatrist who was from Sri Lankan background said:
We don’t believe you are unwell. We believe this to be a Spiritual turn or an experience.
Of course, I had to learn the hard way, that family is not just flesh and blood, it’s a collective conscious devine decision. The person in front of you (or near you) at a given moment in time, even if appears as an enemy that wishes to kill you, is your family (or your neighbour), and is a collective conscious devine decision as an experience and a meeting.
Today, the 25th of September 2020 early morning in Melbourne, Australia, my grandfather’s 11th year death anniversary, I write this blog post requesting you, pleading you:
If my imagination is correct, and you know me, and you like me, please take a moment to say hello to me, and may be tell me something you like about me, something you don’t like, something that you found funny, and maybe disgusting… I’m a little shy, so please be gentle and try not to go into topics that I too am struggling to accept as aspects of me….
If my imagination is correct and one or a collection of people have indeed followed my journey, and has done some analysis, I would love to know what you’ve found. I would love to share my side of the story…
Beacause, I too am only another human being, a lost sole, who is finding himself through others….
NOTE: My grandfather was like a father to me, and looked after me like a father, during the time my own father was working outside of Sri Lanka, in Saudi Arabia. My father was away from me in another country from my age, 3 years old to 11 years old, then 15 years old to 24 years old, where my father died of a cancer. I hardly knew him. My father role was actually played by both my Grandfather and My Father. One gave me money, and a lot of love, and unsung prayers, one gave me flesh, and blood, and a lot of unsung love….
– Nim –