Thought… The forerunner of an Experience

A call that made me happy…

Today, I had a phone call from a psychologist. I had volunteraly called an organisation based on my GP’s referal. I cannot describe it fully, but the kind voice I heard over the phone, made me extremely calm, but the call was short lived, obviously, he had to attend to other clients, and the call was only an introduction.

What appeared to be peaceful feeling, soon turned out to be an elavated state. I was experiencing a level of happiness, that I haven’t felt for roughly 3 weeks.

I personally don’t have a problem with my elevated emotions. The usual pattern tends to be:

  1. Elevated emotion based on an external experience – A project completion, meeting someone, or an energy exchange that defeats standard human comprehension
  2. Wanting to share that emotion with someone
  3. Wanting to celebrate that emotion, preferably with a partner.
  4. Since, I’m single, generally results in attempting to find a “date”, or other ways to celebrate.

A well practiced and observed pattern.

However, although I personally don’t have a problem with this, this also is a state, the “world around me” generally struggle to understand. All they see is “Nim going a bit cray! cray!”. I also have quite a few people checking up on me these days, so I observed, my own mind activity being busy at labelling this elevated state as “Bad”, and “Can’t go there again”, which lead me to try and bottle up the elevated state.

Had I been a child

When was the last time you asked a child who is absolutely happy, running around the house, or dancing, or playing with their toys in utmost joy,

Why are you so happy?

I don’t know about you, but usually when a child gets the “giggles” for no good reason, generally speaking, the adults around also tend to forget their miserable lives, and join in.

Yet, as an adult, when I am in such a state, I feel:

I am questioned, “Why”

People around me can’t comprehend my behaviour or connect with me…

People get concerned!!!

But, ironically, instead of an elevated happy state, had I told people:

I am so depressed!

People have more tendancy to listen to me and empathise.

So I guess this is what I did to bottle up my happy state. I brought to my mind some other things that happened today to make me sad, as I was afraid of the happy state.

I was afraid, people will panick!

Me and my thoughts

While all this halabaloo is going in my head, I happen to notice a Facebook post:

I want all these negative thoughts to go away with CBT!

As far as I know, CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. In ancient spiritual practice, this would be “Vipassana meditation” or Introspection meditation.

My understanding of Retrospection and Introspection as a meditation, does not label thoughts as “positive” and “negative”. In fact my understanding as well as the phenomina taught in ancient spiritual sciences go as below:

Thought, gives birth to Action (In body, speech, or mind)

Action (In body, speech, or mind), gives birth to a Consequence

Consequence, gives birth to an experience (In body or mind)

Experience, can be pleasant, unpleasant, niether pleasant nor unpleasant

Wiring this into my understanding of CBT, and practicing it while writing:

  1. An event (a stimulus) trigger a thought, emotion, or sensation.
  2. If one is concious, they may be able to understand the “trigger” at a deeper level
  3. What is more important than understanding the trigger at a deeper level, is to understand the series of thoughts that started coming up, and the sensations and emotions that started coming up.
  4. This is when you can observe reactive patterns.
  5. Reactive patterns are neither good nor bad. They are just reactive patterns.
  6. If one is conscious, they can choose to follow the reactive pattern, which then becomes a conscious “Action”, as they choose this path, or settle for “here and now” (or choose a different path)

What experience do I choose now?

Well, right now, I’m choosing to write this blog, and publish it. What next, I don’t know!!

One thing is certain. What ever the path I choose, I will have an experience that is pleasant, unpleasant, or niether pleasant nor unpleasant.

Thats about it… Sadly!!! LOL!!! 🙂

– Nim –

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