The madness of wanting to be called mad!

My earliest references of “Madness” or the more politically correct term used nowadays “mental illness” or “mental health”,

A neighbouring teen boy, Caucasian skin with blonde hair, blue eyes. But, he spoke to himself, and my 5 year old self also knew that he was mad. But he was always kind to me. Would want to hold me. His name was Tyron.

In the same neighbourhood, there was a Cow, who was also mad. Once I saw it, jumping up and down, running in every direction trying to attack anyone who comes to his path. Mom held me close and we waited. That’s all I remember, I can’t recall seeing it again.

One of my mother’s uncles, from her mother’s side, who is a psychiatrist once diagnosed my mother to be having a severe depression and some other references to different mental patterns. I suppose she hardly slept when we were young. She would sleep around mid-night, and wake up around 4am to prepare our meals and start the day. I suppose it was quite natural for us. I mean, Farmers stay awake all night!!!!

I had long forgotten about Madness and Psychiatrist, when I realised I had attraction to my male friends. My first round of Psychiatrists, and Psychologists, whom I voluntarily seeked advice from, to cure me from the “Gay Decease”. I would have been 16 or 17!! No one knew!! Later a couple of friends got to know. But, early days, I went alone to see all these Psychiatrists, and Psychologists. I trusted them so much.

I got mixed advice, but most Psychiatry advice at the time, contradicted with my core values or inner knowing. That doesn’t make them wrong. For an example, one of the Psychiatrists I met told me:

This is very normal. But it is difficult in our society. So my advise is for you to marry, and do what you have to do without telling, or hide from the society.

I was so angry for this. Today, I know this was what I couldn’t let go. But, now I remind myself Ekhart Tolle’s advice:

If you have had exactly the same life experience as them, and were born to the same environment, you would also behave the same way.

So all that doctor tried to do was use science, and also his knowledge about the community to deliver a solution that is suitable for different energy exchanges, or you can say pain and pleasure arising lessons.

Today I also realised, when a given mental illness takes over one, or one’s practices navigates them to a similar states, the differences in communication or expression of them, indicate to us that, such individuals have become receptive to a different energy base, let it be a subset, a super-set, an intersection, or a total disconnection. Within this energy base, they will receives, perceive, memorise, process, and creatively express, in a manner that cannot be understood at all by those who, operate in a total disconnected energy system, and can be understood at varying degrees, by those who are in an intersect, subset, or super-set. Thus during times where we see a lot of disconnected energy, the paths walked by mental health field workers from reception, to psychiatrists, to nurses, to psychologists, to social workers, are indeed difficult paths, where patient’s health and well-being become more important than any other worldly requirement or service.

Somehow I sense the mental health field will be the most important field to be in, not just to make a living, but to live making! To make one’s dreams a reality, a reality that is of service to God, or doesn’t harm another.

– Nim –

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