My Grandfather, my hero, My Grandfather, my child…


Year 2017, the year I did my biggest fuck ups in professional career, but it was also in my first glimpse into living my dream, being authentically honest, walk in love, respect my own view, and attempt to understand the other views.

Long story short, I was broke, fallen out with my sister.and her family, told way too many people to “fuck right off$, had no money, and one of the Uber passengers (when I decided to drive Uber) who was drunk slapped me (It didn’t really hurt physically, but since no one else had slapped me other than my first lover, and someone who I was a little naughty towards, and since this was the first time in Australia, it became the Biggest Drama!!!

Was unsure what the drama was about. The slap or how hot he was or how he was so gentle in the slap!!! Thank God for that.

I called the police, who didn’t come 💁‍♂️, then called my mother, and all my friends.

Next thing I know, this 37 year old had a ticket, and a visa to go to Sri Lanka after 7 years. The Angel who organised this for me said:

Nimeshe, enough is enough, you are going home to Sri Lanka. I will organise the ticket and visa, it’s a gift.

The Angel who wishes not to be named who also put petrol in my initial Uber rides, and had shown me that her primary concern is getting me to Sri Lanka, and all other things I do, as long as I ensure I don’t die is enough for her. 🤗

Sri Lanka in 2017

I wanted to worship as much a possible Holy places. Especially wanted to go to places Buddha was said to have visited. I managed to cover 3, Kelaniya, Naagadeepaya, and Sri Paada / Adam’s Peak.

I must mention, Adam’s Peak was the real deal. All relegions claim, the “Footprint” on top of this mountain peak is of their Prophet, God, or Buddha. I was like:

Thank God. For once I get to talk to all four in a single place. A one stop shop!

The climb was difficult, but met some beautiful boys and girls from the University who organised the Sri Paada cleanup trip, and another dude who shared some weed with me… Yep, spoke to the Holy 4 being a lil stoned, they didn’t seem to care, they have definitely paid attention to my heart and my prayer.

Underneath my drama, cries, laughter, smiles, sex, drugs, and hopeless romance, I genuinely intended for world peace to happen. I felt my purpose as a human being had a significant part to play in it.

My own ego, and huge misunderstandings that happened during my last months in Australia in 2017, made me doubt myself.

Now the only people that I felt, I could turn to without being laughed at, judged, or psycho-analyased spoke no words, as they were statues. This didn’t stop me. I visited a number of Hindu Temples, A number of Buddhist Temples, A number of Churches, I prayed at a Mosque (guided by my uni mate’s Dad who passed a year after that), and visited Holi places, such as Anuradhapura, Karagamma (Did my own praying at a Mosque here. The first time I prayed at a Mosque was also here, at the age of 15, praying to Allah to change me as I liked Boys), and Jaffna.

My silent meditation while walking around what ever the structure, build in the name of a beautiful heart who is missed so much, with a single incense stick in hand, always was a single prayer, and it sounded like:

If I’m mistaken, please show me. If others are mistaken please teach them. If I’m not mistaken, give me your support and blessings. Where ever I go wrong, teach me. I feel I can do this. World Peace is possible.

As always I wouldn’t say no to Lukas. But, only if it aligns with my primary purpose.

If you can, bless me with a job similar to the one I did at Slater and Gordon Lawyers, a little IT department within a Non-IT business.

Prayers work! But that’s another story. Let me take you to my Grandfather for now

Waiting for the train next to the memory lane

Thanks to ending of the war and the government who contributed in infrastructure development, for the first time in my entire life the longest train in Sri Lanka “Yāl Dēvi” was running.

Waiting for the train was a massive crowd. Coincidentally, my spontaneous decision to decide “I’m going to Jaffna”, has aligned on a full moon poya day, where many Pilgrims go to Anuradhapura. Waiting for the “Yāl Dēvi” train was also my memory of Maternal Grandfather, who was a railway head guard, during the time the network was run by British Government. Unfortunately, he also saw the downfall. He was named”Duke Madanayake” by his friends, for his straight forward, no bullshit approach, and how he dressed. But, when he was much older, he was no more Law Maker, he was your rule breaker being demented..

One day, my mother called me at work to say

“Your grandfather is running around the house trying to get out. Come home quick.”

His story was that the “YÃ¥l Devi” train had derailed. Apparently, his children were unsafe and was on that train. So my mother, the bitch, as he reminded me (but reality was she was one of the children who was meant to be on the train) was not letting him get to the train. 😂😂😂

Later, when he settled, I asked him what happened. He said he struggled to go from dream state to real. He looked glad to get hold of reality. He also looked physically drained.

My experience of entering the spiritual stream wasn’t dissimilar in 2015. When I realised that every object dialutes to be merely a mind object, I went on  trip, without drugs!!!! (Despite popular and trusted Gossip had told you), I got so confused what reality was anymore. Everything appeared to be magically aligning, and I knew things slightly before they happened, and a lot more happened that I didn’t disclose to the Psycologists / psychiatrist who interviewed me later to admit me to ward GE, at Nambour General Hospital.

The people I responded to were those who said no words and gave me a hug (Alec), or people who acknowledged their own fear and love for me (Pete), and people who saw a hint of truth in what I said, so dedicated their entire time to understand (Guillaume), and those gentle hearts that had a mother in them, and of course Lukas, who was like “Nooo… I knew you weren’t cray….”.

I definitely did not respond to the logical world we knew. I saw the logic break, and although I had no idea what anything was anymore, I knew the logic was wrong. Somehow, I had the knowing that I needed to go to a monastery. The (dance / sex) party going, alcoholic, sex and drugs addict, smoker, who is technically hellbound (the friends were ok with that, we knew we were in it together) wanting to go to a monastery was the mind object my friends couldn’t grasp. I recall my friend Pete saying to me:

“You are saying some of the least crazy things I’ve heard. But I’m scared.”

But, my knowledge and wisdom wasn’t as sharp back in 2008-2009, when my grandfather was demented,  fortunately heart was still aligned. So although strict when he was stubborn, I was always kind and he listened to me, when he listened to no one else.

Fun Fact: Nambour, name stems from aboriginal word Naamba, which in my own native language, Sinhala, refers to a teenage bull, who knows nothing, but knows everything!!! I was definitely a Naamba, a spiritual Naamba, I think I still am, but a little better. Uses a bit of brain, not just heart.

And dementia, from my careful observation takes people to the same place, but this time, without the “secret keeping”, hence completely “inappropriate” … This I feel is the God’s gift for all parties to come to terms with our hidden self.

My grandfather shared so much information, that all his children didn’t know about him. All of a sudden, we saw the heart of Mr. Law and Order. The process appears to be a problem only for the carer(s). I think my mother’s OCD hygiene standards, and the Poo attacks, didn’t work so well. Unless it did, I mean let’s establish God makes no mistakes. The Poo attacks was the lesson me thinks! If one removes social standard, and hygiene standards, there really is no problem.

What’s left is kindness to show, lessons to learn to guidence to presence.

Dementia – Seeing it as a gift of love

Remember,… Children and Demented patients are half way there, as they tend to not hold no strong views, or they’ve forgotten / can’t be asked with the views. So once again, the stock standard “Naamba” like stage.

I’m sure having managed one “Naamba”, whilst maintaining a secret (or secrets), you already know, that sometimes being halfway there can do more damage than had they known this place called all the way there – where life is no longer a struggle, and being right is so 2017!!!. Good news is, a Naamba is just ignorant. What better way to learn than fail fast and fail hard. Children naturally have innocence, teenagers who claims they know it all, are too busy figuring out this new “toy” attached to body, blissfully ignorant, innocent, and has a pretty awesome presence practice naturally desired!!! Dementia patients, if you watch them closely, is giving you a grand fairwell by saying for “fuck the lot of you, I’m running out of time, it’s now or never”

Hopefully, we will learn how to use these child-like stages in life of one-another. Especially, when we are forced to experience as a blessing from God as a “final call – Here and Now for Timelessness“, in the instance of Dementia. We must try to bring human centred thinking as a practice when treating demented patients. We must try and enter their magical world, so that we can help them, which I’m sure will help us, and generations to come.

The problem is with the “100% Logical Minds and Grown up Adults”, hopefully they have by now, or soon will have enough evidence to see Magic is real!! Human Life should be the most celebrated fairy tale… Logic and Science was created by Magicians 💁‍♂️. They were imagined!!!

So let’s look after our children, who take our future….

Bless them with wisdom, you will see God through them, and they will know you are God for the gifts you gave them.

May we bless them with timeless gifts.

– Nim –

P.S: If there was a Buddha in this day and age, Yama Maha Pelahara, the testing of Maha Brahma, would be done through public vote… I mean, Maha Brahma is also using IT systems, online human life management. The blessed one would ignorantly know, It’s only a tug of war that can test one’s self, one’s people, and the right answer for the world of form. A bit of too hot, too cold, just right, testing of everyone and everything. May the tug of war continue. A collaborative nation builder.

By the way, what are we gonna do about all these bombs and guns. I’m not worried at all, .. just checking.

#MentalIllness #ThereIsNoCurseWithoutABlessing #ChildInnocence #ThereIsNoAdultWithNoSilencedChild #LetsHelpOurChildren by #HelpingAdultsToBeChildren #HumanLifeSchool #BestUniversityGiftedByGod #PersonalisedLessons #SurprisePracticals #🙏

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