Paint it Life!
Here he was, staring at the blank canvas in front of him, wanting to paint it full, to get to that imaginary perfect painting.
He may be no expert at painting, but he sure knows what perfect looks like for a painting 💁♂️
From his first acrylic painting in 2017, to the one he did today, 31st May 2020, he has never managed to paint exactly what he had originally intended to paint.
Covering the blank canvas in shades of yellow acrylic paint, he had set the intention to paint some flowers.
“Maybe a few red Tulips, in yellow and green background…”
He thought to himself
While humming along to classical Sinhala music, sung by various popular Sri Lankan artists, his mind was resting at the colours that started appearing in front of him.
He was absorbed by a canvas that’s finding itself, yet he was mostly happy to be right behind that next brush stroke, watching the colourful surprise that appeared from the brush tip.
But then again, there were those other times… Where he momentarily mistook the painting to be himself. A reflection of his skills, his intentions, his past, his future, and a “fact” waiting to be told about himself!
It was already evident that the painting was not going to look like what he had originally intended. And he could observe the occasional internal frustration or judgement. A few times, he felt the need to give up.
But an inner voice soothed him, reminded him that none of these mean anything, and just enjoy painting. He was already enjoying the process, so it was easier to step away from focusing on the outcome.
There were a few experiences similar to this, on the way to completing the painting. At one time he felt the need to just paint over everything thus far painted, and he immediately realised that he was trying to punish himself for “not being good enough”…
Eventually, overcoming all the trials and tribulations caused by “voices in his head”, he called the painting “Done”.
A “Good Job” Done!
Not a..
“I give up” Done!
It wasn’t Tulips, In fact, it hardly looked like a flower, but he saw its beauty. He liked it.
Here he was, looking at a painting he liked, he enjoyed painting, and learnt so much about himself while doing. knowing, he had many moments he felt like giving up, or damaging what was already painted.
Painting (vs) Life!
Is this how we live life?
Is this how I live life?
Haven’t I thought of giving up life itself?
Haven’t I experienced moments where I felt life was too ugly to continue?
Life vs Life Situation!
An unexpected life situation probably is not dissimilar to that left over green paint dangling in the corner of a paintbrush, when the painter only see a brush covered in red paint.
Alas! Red and Black brush stroke!
What makes them unique?
I believe that those unexpected colours that appear out of nowhere… gives character and it’s uniqueness to any painting.
Looking back at my life lived thus far, the unexpected, and maybe painful life experiences, I feel have provided similar value to the unique painting called
My Life!
– Nim –
A Moment with Nim! 