Do I know that I still have anger as an emotion, present?

Do I know that I still have anger as an emotion present?

I do

Do I know that I observe this emotion, when present?

I do

What are the ways of which I respond to this emotion?

• Internal thoughts (with no action from 5 sensory organs)
• Go for a smoke (During which I may have other thoughts, observations, and sometimes cry)
• Listen to a song (Sometimes to life me up)
• Sometimes try to say words to express I am feeling this in form of spoken words, or written form.

Do I know if I have showed below the line (Not being Responsible) in any of the above (In thought, words, or action)?

I do

Do I know I can improve?

I do

Am I sad?

Yes I am.

Why am I sad?

I feel like I need to be perfectly capable of being Responsible, even if the whole world around me is falling apart.

I also feel other’s have this expectation of me. But I don’t know if it is true.

Do I think it is possible to achieve?

Yes I do. Theoretically, I am responsible for my own thoughts, words, or deeds.

Do I think I have improved?

I do

Do I know I am improving as we speak?

I do. That is why I am writing this.

Then, Why do I feel sad?

The little person in me wants to be acknowledged for all the trying.

So how can I acknowledge?

I don’t know. Most days I thank. But on days like today, I feel like I’ve failed myself.

If today was a failure, what is a victory?

I actually don’t know.

If I didn’t have failures, how do I know there is room to improve?

I actually don’t know.

Do I know I have tried the best for today?

I feel I can do better.

Do I know the amount of pressure I am putting on myself?

I do

Do I need to be aware that Rome wasn’t Built in a Day?

I do

Do I know that if I die tonight, I have to be happy with what I have achieved?

I do

I know all of above. But I am hurting today. So I will hurt a bit, and tomorrow I will be better.

On a good note,
If Gods wish,

I will be in Switzerland mid next month
I will be able to know if my former lover is even remotely keen about me

On a good note,
I have gone a spiritual journey

Working for my love
Working for human rights
Working for equality, and equanimity
Working to better my self
Working to better the world

On a good note,

I always try to be the best version I can be

On a good note,

When I fail, I feel sad, so that I can understand how much it means to me to NOT hurt others.

On a good note,

Even feeling sad is being Responsible!

– Nim –