The Secret Affair

Unfortunately, in today’s world quite a few relationships end up with a secret affair!!! An uninvited third person coming into a relationship or marriage.

I believe trust is more important than monogamy

beautiful voices of Savage Garden taught me a few decades ago while I was still a teenager. This Golden belief, together with my very lucky love life, where I haven’t really tasted the flavour “long term relationship”, had me completely confused about this concept of a “secret affair”. I mean, I can’t even manage a public affair, let alone an additional secret one.

More importantly, it really hurt me to think that lovers once upon a time, can do that to one another. I can imagine what goes through people’s minds when they find out such a thing. That shock probably takes a long time to heal.

Why do people cheat? Is it because they are just a Playboy (or PlayGirl – is there a magazine named that?!?). Does it mean they have no heart or unable to feel empathy? Were they ever in love? When did the lies start? Was it a breath of fresh air to the sex life, and it was all about lust. Or is it one’s own fundamental inability to stay monogamous. I believe most of us are quite obsessed about sex!

Ok, so maybe that’s just me!

I’ve been single most of my life! so, the number of sexual partners is something I don’t want to discuss. Do these habits play a part in such situations? Many people have open relationships these days to address these sexual needs. But “affair” means, there is more than lust. It’s not just sex. It’s “like” or “love” a person, not just their body.

For a moment, let’s consider, that the cheater actually loved, and never wanted to cheat! Maybe this horrible person actually fell in love with another. Of course, this gives no excuse to cheat or lie. But, what if a feeling like a teenage romance entered their hearts, and this autopilot obsessive thought process kicked in, where they were thinking about this new found love a little bit too much, and all of a sudden two faces started coming to mind during romantic day dreams!

It would be a very tricky and sad situation. I actually feel very sorry for such people who ever have to go through such challenging and conflicting emotions.

When you like someone, you like someone! You can’t undo it.

You can stop acting on your thoughts, but in my humble opinion, thoughts do a lot when it comes to love. Your mind is a key asset when it comes to creating that “butterflies in the stomach” feeling, or the early “spark” feeling which helps bonding. If I was in this situation, the only thing that would potentially stop me acting on it would be the effort that was spent building the current relationship/friendship. Maybe I would speak to my partner about my confused mind. That will probably hurt, and even lead to other problems, but I’d prefer my relationship to be based on trust than anything else. Well, maybe super hot bedtime stories would also benefit! As in Required! Mandatory!

Recently I had a tiny glimpse of such a situation. It actually was a mini success story, where my mind, momentarily latched on to someone other than my one-way-romance, “Swiss Prince Charming”.

No one got hurt! Just me! As usual!!

It was a very interesting week. My mind didn’t let me be! First time in a long time I felt like I couldn’t calm my mind down. The amount of disappointment, anger, guilt, and hurt I was feeling was fascinating. But, being on a one-way street in my current romance, nothing was really in the way, except my investment, and personal reward that came from it. I felt like I lost some aspect of mine that I always was sure of. It was quite disorienting, when someone else came into my dreamy moments. The amount of unnecessary thought that went into this story, left me completely and utterly confused, where I was tired of all romances. I found myself not wanting either of them at one point!!! And to think they probably had no clue about what my mind was doing!!! You think I am a drama queen, you should meet my mind!!!

This got me thinking of my potential, what if, one fine day when I’m no longer single, what if, another person walks straight into my heart?!?

I’ve lived 39 years without a long term commitment. I do intend to change that around, where I choose to grow old with someone. Live a happy married life. If that someone happens to be that Swiss dude I used to know, it would be a bonus. But, who knows… I can’t make someone love me!

Occasionally, when I feel a little desperate, I shoot a prayer to God asking for some help with my love life. But after last week, I’ve decided that being single forever is probably better than getting into a long term relationship that can be taken over by a third love. Especially, knowing that I’ve already spent a good 20 “eligible years” single. I choose to get it right this once, or not get it at all.

So, with no delays, I had to update my prayer. May the Lord bless me! 😘

Dear Lord,

Here I am, asking for more!

Once you’ve helped me in finding that one true love, who doesn’t run away when I pop the question (hint! hint!);

can you please also help us be true to ourselves, and put what ever obstacles in front of any other who tries to come between me and my lover till death do us part. And please give us the courage and ability to talk about anything and everything, and support one another throughout our life together.

Of course I will play my part, but some help from you would be great!

And maybe I’ll just throw that as a choice out to the Universe…

That is the kind of relationship I choose.

A keeper for life!

– Nim –

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