Letters and Messages during and after my stay in the monastery – 01

– Letters and Messages sent during and soon after my initial stay in Newbury Buddhist Monastery, Victoria, Australia –

A Note Sent to My Family

It’s very cold and cloudy. I’m in a similar state inside. Suddenly I realized how many times I’ve
moved on thinking;

“This is not good enough”.

  • Life in Sri Lanka with my mother
  • Life in Melbourne with my sister
  • Life in Melbourne with John.
  • Life in Melbourne without John
  • Life in Kingscliff with Jacquie.
  • Life in Sunshine Coast with Louise
  • Life in Sunshine Coast with Lukas
  • Life in Sunshine Coast without either Louise or Lukas.

Looking back, with the knowledge I have now, I can easily go back to any of those “lives” and make it work. I would prefer NOT to go back to Kingscliff if I had a choice. I would prefer to go back to life with Lukas if I had a choice.

I see these two as “extreme pain” and “extreme pleasure”. I’m not going to analyze why, but I know deep inside, both are two sides of the same
coin and equally unhealthy. I learnt a lot from both. In fact, two people I remember the most in my life in the monastery is Jacquie and Lukas.

I think of Jacquie, thanking her for teaching me skills that I need for the life in Monastery.

I think of Lukas as I miss him, every little thing reminds me of him and also thanking him for teaching me to appreciate what I have. Everywhere I look there are wild Kangaroos, and he wanted to see one, and we couldn’t.

I’m trying not to think of what it’s going to be from now on, as I don’t know. Nobody knows.

All I know is right now I’m well looked after, I got air to breathe, food on the table, shelter, cloths to wear, and kindness and nature for peace of mind.

One thing is for sure, I’m going to stick to Dhamma (Law of nature) as taught by Buddha. He specifically told us not to take things onboard because someone said so (including him). But I
finally get it.

One of the practices I intend is:
– Dāna (Giving)
– Seela (Practicing discipline)
– Bhāvana (Meditation, practicing being in the “now”)

If you think about it, all of these train you to “let go of attachments”. I’m sure this training will come in handy for life and especially for the inevitable moment of death.

We are far too attached, unhealthily attached, specially to loved ones.

Then walking on the 8 fold path, which is the middle path (not sticking to extremes).

  1. Sammā Ditti (Right Understanding)
  2. Sammā Sankappa (Right Thought)
  3. Sammā Vāchā (Right words)
  4. Sammā Kammantha (Right Action)
    Sammā Ājiva (Right Livelihood)
    Sammā Vāyāma (Right Effort)
    Sammā Sathi (Right mindfulness)
    Sammā Samādhi (Right concentration)

Now that I have taken the time to write all of this, I feel a bit better. I know I have had such a blessed life which has allowed an exponential spiritual growth.

Now that I’m coming down from the “high” / “the crazy enlightened state”, I feel emotions and attachments. I wish I can go back to that… But as John asks;

“Why do you wish for something like your first love?”, Why don’t you think you can have something better?”

So, I am going to let that “first glimpse of spiritual peace” go. I know that I can have something better, less crazy, serves me, serves others, more approachable and palatable to others.

The biggest thing that’s in the way, my laziness to meditate!! Dāna, quite easy, Seela, somewhat ok, Bhāvana is a killer!!

✌💛

– Nim –

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