Day 4 and 5 – Notes written during my stay at the Monastery

– Notes written during my stay at the Newbury Buddhist Monastery, Victoria, Australia –

Day 4 & 5

5th July 2015

After 4 days;

  • What are my thoughts?
  • What are my feelings?
  • I feel like I’m on the correct path
  • Deep inside I know I’m on the correct path
  • I’m still unsure about the way;

I believe in Buddha’s words, not blindly, but with some understanding.

Somehow, I feel we’re too focuses on the how, including myself.

I feel like we surround ourselves with “Black & White” rules, that limit us from learning for ourselves.

  • I feel like being a monastic in the structure that I have understood so far is like:

Going from one set of STUFF

To another set of STUFF

  • As a Lay person we have attachments.
  • We let go of these attachments to be a monastic.
  • Then we hold onto another set of attachments:
  • – Rules
  • – Systems
  • – Processes
  • – Future States
  • – Etc.
  • Above all maybe due to my limited understanding of monastic life.

  • I feel like we, somehow as Buddhists***, have missed the point Buddha tried to explain.

*** Buddhists: A group of people who label into a “Religious Group” purely based on birth, reading, but not understanding within. If one understands within, there is no such thing called Buddhist, only a living thing or a being.

What is my understanding of Buddha’s words (Through my own experience)?

(Dhamma – Law of Nature)

  • It doesn’t matter where, when, what started all of this (Universe); or where, when, what will end all of this (Universe); what matters is “I” exist.
  • No “I” = No “Universe” or “World” for “Me”
  • “I” including the entire “Universe” is made out of tiny particles.
  • Each tiny particle has polar opposites; one cannot live without the other. Only equilibrium can exist.

  • “I” (physical) am made out of these tiny particles, therefore “I” (physical) naturally maintain equilibrium.
  • The only reason “I” (physical) am alive is because of heart “pulse”, which is a general electric pulse equivalent.
  • In any given moment, heart either “beats” or “doesn’t beat”; therefore we continuously “live” and “die” at each beat of the heart.
  • Each pulse is a “New” pulse, not the same pulse as the last one. May look, sound, feel, and quality be the same, but it’s not the same.
  • The “I” (Physical) that we are so attached to is hanging by a pulse that has no guarantee to beat the next time.

  • “I” (physical) only exist as long as there is a pulse. No pulse, no more “I” (physical).
  • Well “I” physical will continue to exist, but;
  • The movement will not be there.
    Then temperature will drop to be the same as nature.
    Eventually the body will disintegrate
    Eventually it will dissapear – transformed into something unrecognisable as previous “I” (physical).

    But “I” don’t want to dissapear, disintegrate, be cold, not be able to move, and not have a pulse.

I don’t want to die.

  • Therefore, “I” have a “Non-Physical” aspect.

I have thoughts

I have emotions

I have feelings

I have “Non-Physical” stuff about “Physical” stuff (input)

  • I can have:

Physical and Non-Physical in sync


Physical and Non-Physical out of sync.

  • Even when we think Physical and Non-Physical is in sync, it is really not.

Heart does its own thing

Internal body parts do their own thing

Only parts that I have control over (Arms, Fingers, etc) are in sync.

  • “I” actually have very little control over:



  • Then, there must be another “I”. So, Non-Physical has two parts:

1. Thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc,

2. The observer, The decision maker, The action taker, The mental note taker, and the mental note reader.

01st January 2018

  • Since above diagram is old, I have redrawn the same below and will give an explanation of my understanding.

  • Each bit of information “I” grasp, there is an automatic “Feel, Analyse (Read from existing beliefs), Judge,Decide, Act, Write (additional beliefs) process.
  • So unless the bit of information is entirely new (we have no previous experience, hearsay information, etc), we will read from our belief notebook (Non-Physical), and based on that judge and act. Since it’s automatic, it’s more a reaction or an auto-pilot move. “I” am unaware sometimes of the “act” itself, let alone the “why” (reason) for the act.

An infant sees a lemon

It doesn’t know anything so, it bites.

It learns about the sour feeling, the saliva gland movements, sour taste, etc.

It doesn’t like it so spits it out, but records both the input (shape of the lemon, what it felt to the tongue), and how much it hated it, in its little mental notebook.

Now there is a new fruit, exactly looks and feels like a lemon, but tastes sweet and Juicy.

Mother tries to give it to the infant.

Infant sees it, the automatic process reads the mental notebook, and decides it hated it.

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